Your Call Is Very Important To Us

Eat me

2010-10-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the nearby Kroger to pick up a few groceries, and since I was tired from working in the yard all day, I thought I'd check out their "hot bar" for potential dinner items. It still looks like a bad day in your junior high cafeteria, but I went ahead and grabbed a couple egg rolls, some lo mein and some fried rice. When I got to the end of the counter and placed my stuff on the scale, I got ... nothing. The scale was either turned off or unplugged or otherwise dead. No sign saying "please use the other scale next to the salad bar" or anything. Of course not. Nonetheless I walked over to that other scale, put my plate with the ill-fitting lid on top, entered the secret PLU and hit Print. Chunka chunka chunk. OUT OF LABELS. CALL ATTENDANT.

Um, OK, what attendant? Surely not the two Japanese sushi dudes. I stood there for a bit. Waved my arms around a few times. Watched a few store employees venture nearby but not actually make eye contact.

Left the food sitting there. I hope Kroger enjoyed eating the $6 they would have gotten from me. I found my dinner elsewhere.

All Your Coupons Are Belong To Us

2010-08-29T16:21:00.001-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with coupons. I save the coupon sections from the Sunday newspaper, and clip and use various coupons from there. On the other hand, I think that individual stores that have customer loyalty cards ought to just give me the damn sale price. Yes Walgreens, I'm talking to you. Is it really worth the time it takes for a cashier to reconcile a register with all those slips of paper, and for the store to process them at the end of the day or week?

Now, as a member of Costco, I get coupon books in the mail every month or so, and it does kind of suck to have to tear out the coupons. They made it slightly less annoying though, by programming their cash registers in an interesting way. This morning, I had five coupon items, along with the rest of my order. When the cashier took my coupons, he hit some magic button and the register immediately gave me credit for every coupon-eligible item in my order. OK, it's not perfect, and I still had to tear out a few pieces of paper. And the cashier probably still had to reconcile the register to allow for the coupons. But as a customer, it got me out of the store a bit faster, so good for that.

Guilty until proven innocent? Nah, just guilty all around

2010-05-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

SC Johnson is showing a TV ad for their "Off Clip-on" mosquito repellent, in which they tell viewers to go to a website to get a buy one get one free coupon. I was peeved to have to install some mystery coupon printing program to get my coupon, but uninstall and rollback took care of most of that. Still don't know what personal information they encoded into the barcodes though.

Today, I was going to use my coupon at the local K-Mart. But lo and behold, there's a big sign on the door saying they won't honor any "free up to a certain price" coupons, nor any internet or home-printed coupons of any kind.

I stepped up to the "courtesy" desk to ask, just on the off-chance (ha ha, "off" chance) that they'd take my coupon. My greeting was "Didjoo need sumfin?" I asked, got denied, said "guess I won't ever shop here again" and left.

I really resent the concept that all customers are fraudsters, trying to cheat the pathetic Sears Holding Company.

When I got home, I went to the K-Mart website to try to find a contact email or phone number. Not as easy as it should be. But you know what's funny? At the K-Mart website, they offer . . . . coupons. To print at home. From the internet.

Yeah.

So anyway, I spoke to somebody who said that since there was a sign posted, there really was nothing she could do. She refused to say whether this was corporate policy, but the manager will call me within two days, and it's up to him whether they'd honor my coupon. Ooooh, a sign. Anybody can print up a sign. Especially a sign that says that all customers are lying liars and cheating cheaters.

I told her that was unacceptable and as previously mentioned won't be darkening their doors again.

Market Share drop in 5, 4, 3, ....

2010-05-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

This post is regional - it's about the Richmond VA area's loss of a grocery store that prided itself on customer service.

If you live (or have lived) in the Richmond VA area, you of course know about Ukrop's Supermarkets. A chain that nearly defined "customer service" for years. Sure, there were things that people didn't like about Ukrop's - closed on Sunday, no beer or wine, that nagging "let's all go to church this weekend" sign in every store. But they knew how to treat customers right.

Most of us were sad when it was announced late last year that the family had decided to sell the chain to Dutch conglomerate Royal Ahold, operators of Giant supermarkets. The sadness was tempered by knowing that at least Ukrop's Kitchen's would continue to produce that tasty chicken salad, those white house rolls, and other yummy items that were worth the price.

The remodelled and restacked stores were to be called Martin's, and I visited one of the first ones to open nearby, nearly a month ago. I had a few problems, and of course went to the website to send a message.

A week went by, then most of another. I'd gotten the dreaded automated email reply, but nothing substantive. I stopped in at another newly opened store the next week and found some of the same issues. I replied to the auto-reply and again, nothing. This past Monday, I went to yet another store and still was not impressed.

I fired off one more email, saying "hey, you know how to lose a customer? Ignore him completely!"

Let's take one single complaint that I had. On each of my three Martin's visits, I took my own re-usable bags. I never got a bag credit like Ukrop's offered, as does Kroger and Target and many other local stores. At least on my third visit earlier this week the cashier tried to give me a credit. Unfortunately, the cash register programming was stupid, I never got a discount and I'll leave it at that.

Today I finally got a response to my three emails to Giant/Martin's/Ahold ... among the other primarily useless information in the reply, I was told that they "never offer a bag credit."

Umm, then what was that poor woman trying to do on Monday? Alternately, I'm led to believe that this big new chain came to town without any plans to offer bag credits, even though it's fairly standard in this market. No matter what, I'm left with an impression of Martin's that is a whole lot less than favorable.

I admit I am holding them to a high standard - they bought that standard when they bought the Ukrop's chain.

Sadly, it looks like they have no interest in even coming close.

When a store makes me look at Food Lion as a viable option, then I think there's a real problem.

Challenged by dates

2010-04-26T11:49:00.001-07:00

Dear Lowes,

I want to thank you for the offer of "No Interest if Paid in Full within 12 Months" which I received in today's mail. Today is April 26th, 2010.

Your offer states that it is valid "April 21 through April 26, 2010".

Yes, thank you so very much. Perhaps next time you could arrange for it to arrive the day after it expires just to make it completely useless, rather than almost completely useless.

This is almost as good as the coupon I got that expired on "September 31" last year.

Upgrade?

2010-02-27T04:54:00.000-08:00

I've been banking with People's United Bank in CT for years. I even kept them as my primary bank when I moved to VA 15 years ago, and I've never had any major problems. Sure there's been a couple hiccups along the way, but nothing that wasn't quickly and easily resolved.

Even though they don't have any local presence, their phone and online systems (which they've had forever) have made it simple to do almost anything I need to do.

When they recently announce that they'd be updating the online banking system, I was interested, but not at all worried. After all, the existing system was a little long in the tooth and a refresh couldn't hurt.

So what did they deliver? Visually, the new site looks worse than the old one, but if that was the only problem, I wouldn't be writing this post. The whole online banking system has been outsourced, and that's not good. I like my browser to stay at the site that I logged in to, especially when it's my bank!

But even those things are minor. My first hint of something rotten was an email I got on Wednesday. It showed the details of the online payments I'd made via the new site on Monday. I'd never received such an email before, and I certainly didn't request any such email. I logged on to the new system and struggled to find out what setting I had to change. Finally I found it. Or should I say "them". The option to receive email about payments made is set on every payee that I have. The only way to turn off those emails is to go into each and every payee and flip the setting. So without my permission or any prior notification, People's is now sending details of my payment activity out over unencrypted email. No Thanks.

I used their in-system message function to complain about this and got no response until I looked at my email this morning (three days later). Of course it wasn't actually a response, it was just a notification that "A secure message is available for viewing. Please sign on to online banking to view the message." Fair enough. I logged in and went to read the message, only to see "Thank you for contacting People's United Bank. We will reply to your inquiry as quickly as possible. In the interim many of our customers have found the information available in the Frequently Asked Questions section of the people.com Upgrade site very helpful. " [note that it really does say people.com not peoples.] So they have no problem with sending my payment information out over email, but to send me an automated reply, they use their secure messaging system?

Since I was logged in anyway, I looked at my accounts. One of the things lost in the transition to the new system was the display of a running balance column. People's sent an email on February 18 saying "this feature will be available by February 24". Well my calendar tells me that today is the the 27th, and there's no running balance. They also seem to have lost the ability to show me any holds that might exist on my checking account, so even though there's a current balance and an available balance, if they're different I have no way to tell why. (I happen to know why in this case, but that's not the point).

So I used their wonderful secure messaging system again and complained about 1) the fact that an automated response took three days, 2) the missing running balance and 3) the missing hold information. Then I logged off.

This time they managed to get me an automated response in just a couple minutes. I got the same email about a "secure message" being available, so logged back in just to see what it said. Interestingly, they'd used some sort of message parsing magic to determine that I'd asked about the running balance. Their response to this? "Your running balance will be available online as of February 29th."

Great, only two years from now!

People's United Bank online banking upgrade?

FAIL!

Making The Geek Squad Look Good?

2010-01-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

In hindsight, I should have turned and walked out before I even dropped off the computer. But I'd been strung along my another local service outfit and I really just wanted things taken care of. Still, partially my fault.

Let's back up. Although I'm pretty good with software issues, my business partner's notebook computer needed a to have the DC input jack replaced, something I thought was a bit beyond my skill set. The first guy I'd contacted was tremendously bad at returning emails and phone calls, co-mingled his business and personal posts on Twitter (which is how I knew that he wasn't even in town when we first wanted to get this computer fixed); it just didn't seem like it was going to work out.

So I took the notebook to a nearby place that is literally around the corner from my house. I asked when I walked in "can you replace the DC input jack on this?"

And that's when I should have walked out. Yes sure, they could do that, but I had to pay at least $99 for a diagnostic procedure, of which $20 would be applied to the actual repair cost. Again, my rush to get the thing fixed clouded my judgment. I declined the additional charges to backup the data and to "jump to the front of the line" ($70 and $60, respectively, IIRC), but went ahead and paid the $99. This was on a Wednesday, and I was told I'd probably get a call by Friday, so I figured we'd have the computer back by the next Wednesday.

The first call I got was the day after dropping the computer off. The technician had received the computer, but really all he wanted to do was try to upsell me the backup service once again. I said no, and I didn't think the data should be in any danger when all I needed was a DC jack replaced. I did get an email with information about logging in to their web-based tracking system, so that seemed like it would be useful. The next call didn't come until almost 6PM on Friday - it was just a guy telling me that the technician was looking at the computer and would call me the next day. Truthfully, I hadn't even thought about it too much, I figured since I didn't pay the line-skipping fee I was just in queue still. I didn't get a call on Saturday.

Monday morning, I got a call telling me about the same thing -- the technician was looking at the computer and would call me by the end of the day. Guess what didn't happen?

Finally, Tuesday morning the technician called me and confirmed that yes, the DC jack needed fixing (for an exorbitant cost!), and then went on to tell me about some extremely minor software - tracking cookies and such - and a "clean up" would cost $249. TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE DOLLARS!!!!??!! Just fix the hardware issue, I said. The online tracking entry said "Larry seemed annoyed and said all he wanted was the DC jack fixed." Annoyed? Really? You think?

I spent the next few days checking the tracking system every once in awhile. Nothing new. Finally, at 10 to 5 on Friday evening, I got a call saying the computer was ready to be picked up at the 'round the corner location. "Great," I said, "what time do you open tomorrow?" Oh, they're not open on Saturday. OK, if I'd been home, I could easily have run out to get the damn thing, but when I got the call I was about to board an airplane in Kentucky. Still, if they'd told me earlier, or maybe updated their stupid tracking system, I could have arranged for somebody to get there on Friday afternoon. Especially since the invoice I received indicates a date range that ended on Thursday.

OK, so Monday at lunchtime I got to finally pick up the computer. The guy grabs it and hands it to me and says "you're all set." How could I be all set, I wonder, when I haven't yet paid for the repair. Oh, they just went ahead and charged the card I'd used for the diagnostic. WITHOUT prior notice or permission! OK scratch that, there's a bit at the bottom of the sixteen inch long receipt I got at drop off that lets them do this. Something that should have been pointed out more clearly? Hell yes. That same receipt says of the diagnostic service "Upon completion, RCG will provide a detailed report fo the analysis and suggested upgrades to increase performance." Still looking for that report.

The "power cleaning" included in the price I paid apparently doesn't extend to the outside case of the computer. For the three Benjamins (plus) that I spent, they couldn't spare a paper towel and a squirt of 409? I did turn on the computer to make sure it was operational before returning it to my partner; it was, but the battery was partially depleted. Again, they couldn't have charged it up fully, especially since it was taken in for a power problem?

Seriously, if I wanted to pay too much and jerked around, I could have gone to the Geek Squad. (No, not really; I would never do that).

But Richmond Computer Guy? Not recommended at all.

Worst of 2009

2009-12-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about this for about a week. What store/company/website/etc gave me worst customer service this year? Without a doubt, it has to be American Family Fitness.

I'd been a member of this gym for almost 15 years (with a brief interlude when I lived in Georgia in 2004/5). When I joined, the local branch was a storefront in a nearby shopping center. They moved to a larger location a little further away, and then in 2008, opened a facility that was H-U-G-E (and even further away).

From the first time I went into that location, I had trouble with the exercise bikes - they'd go haywire after about 13 minutes, without fail. I tried to bring this to the attention of various people, but nothing was ever done.

When the time came to renew my membership this year, I asked again about the problem, and was given lots of different stories, but still, they have what seems to be faulty equipment that could cause injury and they refuse to do anything about it.

After dealing with the membership salesman, the fitness manager and the location general manager, and not getting anywhere, I chose not to renew.

I also wrote a letter to president of the company detailing the specifics. A letter that was not acknowledged in any way.

You know, a gym has to be the greatest business in the world. You lock people in to contracts and get the monthly payment even if you completely ignore customer comments and complaints.

American Family Fitness of Richmond, VA -- worst customer service of 2009.

No Really, VERY Seriously.

2009-12-21T16:35:00.001-08:00

Right-o, so pursuant to this post, I received a couple emails from Ford/SYNC. One of them was from "Tier 2 SYNC Support" and they promised me " we will take the appropriate measures to resolve the privacy breakdown with this situation."

So imagine my surprise when my inbox held the following this morning:

Dear Larry McXXXX:

The mobile phone number XXX-477-XXXX is no longer Active in your SYNC account.

The mobile phone number XXX-477-XXXX has been made Active in another SYNC account, and therefore is no longer the Active mobile phone number for your SYNC account. You will not be able to access Driver Services with this mobile phone number during the time it is Active in another account.

Please log in to your account, and add or select another mobile phone number as Active in your SYNC account. Please make certain that call blocker is turned OFF on this phone in order to access Driver Services.

If you did not request this change to your SYNC account, please contact a SYNC representative today at: http://www.syncmyride.com/Own/Modules/PageTools/ContactUs.aspx
We hope you are enjoying your SYNC.

Ford takes your privacy seriously. Read our complete Privacy Statement at http://www.syncmyride.com/Own/Modules/PageTools/Privacy.aspx.

Now, I have to assume this was related to having the LarryMac usurper fix his account. But once again, Ford decided to send me that guy's mobile phone number. OK sure, they haven't (so far) sent me his SSN and mother's maiden name. But I wouldn't put it past them at this point.

Yep, VERY seriously. They said so. Just ignore what they've actually done. They are taking Mr. McXXXX's privacy very seriously. See, it says so right up there.

Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you?

2009-12-20T13:45:00.001-08:00

I am probably 50% at fault here. Maybe more, maybe less, but certainly not 100%. Dozens of times I've been checking out at Kohl's and just told them "no" when they asked for my email address. Earlier this month I guess I had a weak moment and gave it up.

Yeah, I got a $5 coupon, but I also got email after email after email. In fact I got ten emails within ten days.

I thought I'd get occasional emails from them. Not something every freaking day!

So I hit the link to unsubscribe. Seems simple enough, but I'm told it will take 7 to 14 days. Dear Kohl's, Perhaps you have heard of these new-fangled "computers" which can update databases in less than a second? They're amazing!

I'm also told that I can resume getting my inbox bombed by going to "My Account." When did I get an account? I don't want an account. I don't want my email to be in their records anywhere.

So I decide I'll try to email them to vent my frustrations. I hit the "Contact Us" link and the page displays an email address, but it's not an actual email address link, it's a link to another webpage. Like so -- customer.service@kohls.com. Dear Kohl's, When a piece of text display as an email hyperlink, then it should contain a standard "mailto" link. Period.

Anyway, on the webpage I'm sent to, there is a form to fill out with my name, email, and what it is I'd like to contact them about, which I dutifully fill out and hit GO and end up right back at the same page, with my information cleared.

Dear Kohl's, It's really very simple -- annoying customers is NOT a good way to increase business. Your ex-customer, Larry Mac

I just don't understand what marketing departments are thinking. They beg for your email address and then act like a kid in a candy store with a bottomless pocket full of change.

Yeah, you guys, it bugs me. It bugs me enough to not ever want to support your bottom line again.

Oh, and by the way, Kohl's. Get out with the everything on sale crap. I'm sure some people are fooled, but eventually even the most gullible are going to catch on. Just mark the prices reasonably and people will shop at your stores. Not me, of course, I'm done.

Taking it Seriously

2009-12-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

Taking it very seriously

Not that I have any regular readers, but if I did, I might refer them to this post for background.

It's happened again. From syncinfo@ford.com to me:

Dear Larry McXXXX,

We're writing to confirm that you have successfully created a SYNC account at http://www.syncmyride.com.

This email goes on to give me Mr Mc's mobile phone number and ZIP code. It also says "If you did not create an account, please contact us immediately" with a link that goes to a quite generic Contact Us page. I filled in their form, saying "hey I'm not that guy" and sent it along. Meanwhile, within three minutes of the first email, another one came in from Sync, this time giving me that guy's "Preferred Ford Dealership." So in case I hadn't looked up the ZIP code in the first message, I really could zero in on the guy's location.

Then another email eight minutes later, this one without so much personal information, but I did notice the line "Ford takes your privacy seriously."

Well, gee, no, Ford, you don't. With a little luck and guesswork, I'm sure I could already have taken over this guy's account if I wanted to. I filled out another form and sent it, and as I was doing so, noticed a link offering contact telephone numbers. I called in and navigated the menus and got somebody on the line who seemed to understand and who said he'd contact Mr. McXXXX and get things straightened out.

But come on, Ford! Taking it seriously means you DO NOT sent out private information to a non-confirmed account. You DO NOT put a link that says "Contact Us Immediately" if you don't have something on the other end of that link that will allow me to contact you, immediately.

I did get a response to one or the other of my form submissions (forty minutes later ....) -- it says "Your SYNC inquiry has been received by the Customer Relationship Center. We will reply to your inquiry within two business days." Two days? So much for "immediately."

But hey, you guys keep on taking it seriously. I'm just going to sit here and laugh.

And a time to every purpose under the heaven

2009-12-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

G'day mates.

Oi 'ad a stike dinna las noight at the Outback.

And I'm going to stop typing in a horrid Ozzie accent now.

Anyway, I like The Outback. The decor is very last century, but I usually get decent service and a decent plate of food. I've only eaten there about four times in the past year, but the funny thing is that every time, the side order of "fresh" "seasonal" vegetables that gets served up consists of yellow squash, broccoli, snow peas and carrots. Since my visits there have spanned all the seasons, I can't help but wonder just how "seasonal" these vegetables are. And "fresh"? Yeah, not so much.

It might not be as noticeable if the list of side orders didn't say "potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, fresh seasonal vegetables, potatoes." Don't get me wrong, I happen to like those veggies, and they're cooked nicely - no mush there. But really guys, don't lie to me on the menu. Just call 'em "steamed vegetable medley" and we can all be happy.

Cheers.

Cookie Wars

2009-12-03T04:59:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, for better or worse, I started playing "Mafia Wars" on Facebook. I knew better than to "purchase" any points or other in-game items for real cash, I simply played the game and slowly moved up through the rankings.

A few weeks ago, the internets were abuzz with copies of a video showing Mark Pincus, CEO of Zynga (the company the created Mafia Wars). One example is here, where a partial transcript shows Pincus saying "scamming users was part of Zynga’s business model from the start."

Lovely.

Still, I figured I was OK by not downloading any add-ons or paying any real money to anybody.

Yesterday morning I tried to play MW for a bit and got a poorly crafted message telling me "cookies are required". Like many many somewhat savvy web users, I have my browser locked down pretty tightly; specifically disallowing third-party cookies. I wasn't about to change my privacy settings for a game, especially since I had no idea what site I was supposed to allow. And of course there's that whole skeevy feeling that I have about Zynga now. I tried to access the game a few more times during the day, but the message didn't change.

This morning, I tried again. A new message showed up, which gave specific instructions for my browser on how to "allow all cookies."

Um, yeah, no.

So, for the sake of advertising and tracking, Zynga is willing to lose thousands of players. Great business decision there, guys.

Jersey Mike's Follow-up

2009-12-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about my disappointment with the downsizing of Jersey Mike's subs. As noted in the original post, I also filled out an online "comment card" at the J-Mike's website and for my trouble, got a copy-and-paste response (five days later) thanking me for my comments and saying "Your comments have been forwarded to the owner to address." Of course I've heard nothing since... (cf: this post). I even responded to that 11/11 email last Wednesday (11/25) somewhat sarcastically -- 'I guess when you said my comments were forwarded to the owner to address, you really meant "for the owner to ignore." '

So imagine my surprise this morning when I was checking my emails and saw something from "emailclub@jerseymikes.com" with the subject line "Jersey Mike's Coupon Offer". I know for sure that I didn't opt-in to any emails from them when I filled out that online comment card. Double You Tee Eff, Mate?

Buried in the fine print at the bottom of the email was this paragraph

Dear Larry, this email advertisement was sent to you because you signed up to receive emails from us via our website or in one of our stores, or have contacted us within the last 2 years.

BECAUSE I CONTACTED THEM WITHIN THE LAST TWO YEARS? Really?

As I said to J-Mike's in my email last Wednesday, there's plenty of places to buy a sub sandwich. For me, Jersey Mike's is now off the list forever.

Milk-Bone Underwear

2009-12-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, I ordered some underwear from the Jockey website. Hey, I needed some new skivvies and I had an offer for 20% off plus free shipping. The transaction was fairly easy, and the shipment arrived quickly.

I guess I left a box checked somewhere, because the emails started to arrive too. At least seven of them within ten days. Like a puppy with a rawhide chewtoy, Jockey just couldn't leave my email alone, and had to keep working it.

To top things off, the unsubscribe link the their emails was funneled through p0.com, which doesn't have a good reputation, and thus is blocked on all my computers.

Keep your spammy emails, Jockey, you're barking up the wrong tree. I'll just go back to my classic CKs.

Weird Marketing Strikes Again

2009-11-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

GE sells light bulbs. Lots of light bulbs I'd imagine. One of their specific lines is the "Reveal" bulb, which, they say, provides "clean, beautiful light™" that "makes colors 'pop'." Probably a nice thing to have, but I have converted to CFLs in most parts of my house. In the living room, the lamps have amber colored mica shades, so I think using a bulb that filters out the yellowish color of a regular incandescent seems like a waste.

I was out shopping at Target with a friend yesterday when he remembered that he needed an light bulb for inside his stove. He went off to the find what he needed while I examined the clearance endcaps. When he came back, he had a 40W GE "Reveal" appliance bulb. Is it really necessary to make sure the roast in your oven has colors that pop? Of course you can also use one of these bulbs in a refrigerator. Does the broccoli look better?

Maybe it's just me, and I'm missing out on the wondrous look of the cold or cooked food.

Ummm, "thanks" CVS?

2009-11-16T05:00:00.001-08:00

I have some paint for my living room walls that I bought on clearance at Restoration Hardware. The color is "washed acanthus"; it's a very pale green. Very very very pale green. Like somebody opened a can of white paint and whispered "green".

A few weeks ago, I read that CVS was going to reward customers for not using plastic bags, thus jumping onto the green bandwagon. But based on what I saw in the store the other day, and the fine print from their website*, it looks like they're not really going green, they're going washed acanthus.

Sure, twenty-five cents for not using a plastic bag sounds good, except unlike, say, Kroger, who gives me a straight five cents per bag off my total right then and there, CVS only gives you "extra bucks" credits. And of course you have to collect four bag credits before you actually get a coupon for $1. Which has an expiration date.

Oh, and did I mention that just having the CVS Extracare Card isn't enough? (Kroger and Ukrop's don't require a card.) No, you have to buy a "green bag tag" for 99 cents, so it's going to take four transactions before you even start to break even. Possibly more, I haven't bought a tag so I don't know if they'll charge sales tax.

It gets better. If I take my growing collection of reusable bags to the grocery store and need six of them, I'll get 30 cents right back in my pocket. And if I went back to the same grocery store later that day and needed two of my bags, I'd get another 10 cents. At CVS, you are limited to one twenty five cent credit per person per day.

How many marketeers did it take to come up with the plan? They want to look "green", but they're really no more than washed acanthus.

*To earn Extra Bucks® for a transaction in-store, your ExtraCare® card, Green bag tag, and reusable bag must be presented with purchase at checkout. Limit of one Green bag tag use/scan per day per household. Every fourth purchase your Extra Bucks reward will print at the bottom of your cash register receipt as a $1 coupon good for your next purchase. Extra Bucks can be used until the expiration date shown on the coupon.

No. Just no.

2009-11-13T07:47:00.000-08:00

Paste Magazine, what were you thinking?

I've been a subscriber to Paste for many years. There were a few lapses, but it's been at least since the issue numbers were in single digits. I've had my issues (ha ha, "issue", get it?) with their brainless subscription fulfillment service, but those got resolved. I still think they're brainless though. But that's another post.

At some point the magazine decided to send an email newsletter, called "Paste Lifeline", which is mostly not worth the paper it's not printed on, but occasionally I've found an interesting item or two, so I didn't unsubscribe.

I know they've been struggling financially, but somebody was hitting the bottle or bong a little too hard when they decided to send out an ad for "Full Sail University" as a "Paste Lifeline Special".

No actual newsletter content at all, just the ad.

Seriously Paste? Somebody thought this wouldn't piss off your subscribers?

I don't want your spam. Or your magazine or newsletter, now that you mention it.

Like Losing an Old Friend

2009-11-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

I've primarily been working from home since April, so I don't go out for lunch very often. Truth be told, even before April I'd taken to brown-bagging it most of the time. When I did decide to splurge on a non-homemade lunch though, Jersey Mike's was always on the short list. They made a really good version of a good ol' Philadelphia-style hoagie.

Even with the working/eating at home, I had a bit of a craving for a Jersey Mike's sandwich, so I headed out at 11:30 AM (to beat the crowd) and ordered up a "Regular 13." Imagine my surprise and disappointment to see the guy behind the counter cut a full-size roll in half and start to build my sandwich on that.

"I asked for a 'regular'" I said.

"That's a regular, you can order a 'giant' if you want more."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Time was when a "regular" was enough to have for lunch and dinner (although I'd usually eat up the whole thing anyway). Now it was just a half a sandwich.

I told them to forget it and walked out.

For a dollar more, I got a full size sub from a small locally-owned place across the street, and they even included the chips.

G'by Mike. It was fun while it lasted ...

update 11/11/2009
Oh yay, a response:

Dear Larry,

Thank you for taking the time to fill out an e-comment card regarding
your visit to our Glen Allen, VA location.

We appreciate you sharing your feedback with us. Your comments are
valuable to the Corporate Office and our franchise community. Your
comments have been forwarded to the owner to address.

We apologize for any inconvenience and thank you for sharing your
experience with us.

Way to actually address the issue raised, there, Mike's.

Political Sidenote

2009-11-05T13:00:00.001-08:00

Barack Obama's Facebook presence posted an update requesting support of the health care plan currently in the House.

My response: 'Yeah, I'll be a "fierce advocate" for your plan. Based on your example, I think that means sitting on my hands and not actually doing a damn thing.'

Delta Loves to Fee. And it Shows.

2009-11-04T16:58:00.001-08:00

I got an email from Delta Airlines today. They were advertising a "U.S. Flights Holiday Sale" OK, cool, I'd considered flying down to Orlando to visit Mom and Dad for Thanksgiving. I clicked on the link in the email and up popped a browser window showing . . . the main delta.com site. Ummmm, great. But where's the fare sale?

Up also popped a window inviting me to take a survey about my visit to delta.com today. I'm always up for that. I worked my way through various questions about the website and then they hit me with one that said that Delta was considering offering a new service - you don't have to wait at the baggage claim area .. for $40, they'll deliver your baggage to any location within 40 miles of the airport, within 6 hours. Would I pay for this? I can sort of understand that, but no, I've been doing the carry-on only thing for all my travel so I wouldn't pay for it.

The next question though . . . Delta is considering offering insurance: for $8, they'll insure (up to $2000) that they'll actually get your bags to your destination airport. Umm, WHAT? Seriously? They'll charge you to check one bag, charge you more to check two, and then on top of that, they'll charge you to actually GET THEM THERE?

That would be a big Hell to the Naw there, Delta.

A Case of Mistaken Identity

2009-11-04T13:52:00.000-08:00

Back when GMail was all shiny and new and invitation only (and hey, speaking of Google invites, hit me with a Wave invite somebody) I was excited to get my own GMail address with my choice of username that corresponded to the net.identity I'd been using for several years.

And then along came another guy who seemed to think that my email address was his, and the spam started. I could hop into my spam folder and tell you an awful lot about a guy named Larry who lives near East St. Louis. And then more people started getting GMail addresses, and some certain subset of them continue to think that they're me. I get marketing emails from a boat company. I get agendas for school board meetings. A couple weeks ago, I got a full description of a wedding ceremony, who would enter when, what music should be played, when vows would be exchanged, etc. I replied to that one saying that it all sounded lovely, but I had no idea who Roy and Yasmin were and why I was getting that email.

Yesterday, I received an email entitled "Verizon Wireless Order Confirmation". It came from the oh-so-helpful address of "donotreply@verizonwireless.com". I use Sprint and haven't had any contact with VZW ever, so I knew it wasn't for me. Within the email was the full name, address, and soon-to-be-live mobile phone number of a gentleman in Arizona. Now this was either the guy in AZ not knowing his own address, or the guy at VZW typing it in wrong. In any event, it's still not something I should be getting. There was nothing in the email giving me any way to contact Verizon Wireless by email or web; however I did locate the name, toll-free number and extension of the salesman for this transaction, so I placed a call. I left a voicemail trying to explain that I wasn't the guy in AZ, and left my number so I could help them resolve this problem.

That was well over 24 hours ago. I've heard nothing.

So fair warning, VZW customers. If you're not very careful, your personal information might get sent to somebody else. Somebody who might not be as honest as me. And apparently, VZW just doesn't give a flying fig.

Confused by Advertising

2009-11-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

I got my new issue of Make magazine in the mail today. There's an ad on the inside cover from Ford, advertising the "Sync" feature available on several of their vehicles.

The text says "It's the captain of MP3s. Your words are the DJ." OK, um, what? In what world do captains and DJs go together?

On television, there's an ad for some type of cat litter product that shows several different cats hiring a bloodhound to help them find their litter boxes. Now I don't know about you, but I don't want my cat to not be able to find his own litter box.

And ~~ass effects~~ Aciphex still cracks me up.

Come see the stupider side of Sears

2009-10-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

Well, the stupider side of their marketing anyway ....

I bought a new washer and dryer from Sears last year, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Said washer and dryer didn't come into my possession until late February, but that, as they say, is a whole nother story. Since they were offering twelve months of no interest, no payment financing, I went ahead and opened a new Sears Mastercard. I made regular payments and brought that balance down to zero, and I've never used that account for anything else. In fact, I've never set foot in a Sears store since. Most importantly, I haven't bought any clothing from them since my Mom was dressing me in Toughskins.

So it was with great amusement that I opened up the little mailer that arrived in the mail yesterday. A special gift for a special customer it proclaims, then continues on - "Thank you for being one of our best apparel customers at Sears and sears.com." Blah blah etc, and here's two 20% off coupons for clothing only.

Hey, I appreciate the coupons. Not that I'd ever use them, but it's a nice gesture, I guess. But is it really that hard to do a little analysis of your customer list before you send out your promotions? I might have been equally as confused if they'd send me coupons that only were good for Craftsman tools, but at least those would have been useful.

In case a Sears marketing type reads this -- just to clarify, washer/dryer? NOT apparel.

Here's an idea . . .

2009-09-01T12:29:00.001-07:00

I was out with a friend the other day and he asked if we could stop at a convenience store for cigarettes. It's his bad habit, not mine, but we stopped. After he got back into my car, he realized he didn't have a lighter, and the one in my car doesn't work, so he went back into the store to buy one. Since he was out of cash, he used his debit card for the $1 purchase, and the woman at the store proceeded to bitch him out, blaming him for single-handedly ruining the country and the economy.

OK, ignoring that fact that yelling at your customers probably doesn't encourage repeat business. . .I understand that the fixed cost plus percentage that the store had to pay on that transaction made it less than profitable. But what if they'd gone to Costco, bought a big box of matchbooks and offered one to each customer that bought a pack of cigarettes? Wow, customer service and no pesky merchant fees for those single lighter sales!

Until the Twelfth of Never

2009-08-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

I just picked up a two-pack of insect spray at Lowe's. The specially labelled package told me there was a coupon for $10 of my next $50 purchase, which seemed liked a good deal, plus I would save about a buck by buying the two-fer package as opposed to two single cans.

I got home and removed the plastic wrap and looked at the $10 coupon. It's good until "September 31, 2009".

If a coupon expires on a date that doesn't exist, is it good forever?

Bad IVR is bad

2009-08-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick post very closely related to my blog title!

I have a couple of Costco gift cards that I needed to check the balances on. I called the toll-free number on the back, and got a cavalcade of bad design.

They start out with everyone's favorite, "For English press 1." You really have to make that the expected default. Tell me (in Spanish) to oprima el something if necessary, but don't lock me into that language menu at the start.

Then there's this month's nomination for the most useless prompt ever "To obtain your card balance, have your account number ready and press 1." Ummm, this is the number you gave me to call for balance inquiry, and you didn't give me any other options, so what is this "menu" doing here? If there are other things I can do by calling this number, tell me what they are, otherwise this is a giant roadblock that serves no purpose. "If you like being made to jump through hoops, press 1".

Having pressed 1, it's time to enter the card number. "Please enter the 19 [!] digit card number, followed by the pound sign." The only to press the pound sign is to indicate that I'm done entering digits. Perhaps your IVR can not count all the way up to 19?

OK, now I've pressed twenty more keys. They would like to confirm the last four digits of what I entered. I'm not sure why, but I suppose a fellow could get worn out from all that button mashin'. "The last four digits you entered are 1 2 3 4. If this is correct, press the

wait for it

pound key." This is where I'm saying DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF MATE? "If incorrect, press the star key."

Ummmmmm, thousands of confirmation prompts have been written. Almost universally, the choices are 1 and 2. Us VUI designers like 1 and 2 for correct/incorrect. Also for yes/no. Pound and Star (# and *) are special.

The only thing they seem to have gotten right is a menu item that lets me check another card after hearing the balance in the first one.

CWC Gift Card Co. . . . let's talk. I can fix your IVR in about a day.

Man of La Mancha indeed

2009-08-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

Further annoyance from Borders, although they want to deny that they have anything to do with it...

A while back, one of the email I received from Borders regarding my "Rewards" card was an offer to sign up for something called "Borders Rewards Perks." Upon review of this program, which is just a way for them to send lots of unwanted commercial email, I chose NOT to sign up for this.

On August 3, I got an email from Perks, the first of several. It was an ad for restaurant.com, tigerdirect.com, shoes.com, etc etc etc. I knew I hadn't suddenly decided that I wanted such crap, but just to make sure, I clicked on the "unsubscribe" link in the email. I got a not so helpful error screen that said "exception in bootstrap". I tried the "Contact Us" link and got the same error. So I clicked reply, and sent an message directly to cs@bordersrewardsperks.com telling them that a) their links were broken and b) that I didn't ever sign up, so stop spamming me.

I got no reply. I did get another spammy email, and this time contacted Borders Customer Care. The reply didn't indicate that I'd actually been opted out from the unwanted Perks membership, but told me to contact cs@bordersrewardsperks.com -- the same email to which I'd previously replied and gotten no answer.

Then on August 12, I got yet another slice o' spam, this time they had the balls to start out "Based on your reminders, we want to let you know about these special
Food & Wine offers currently available at Borders Rewards Perks:" Ummm, I never signed up, never requested ANYthing, so how did I suddenly have "reminders"? I hit reply again, copied Borders Customer Care and said once again that they had to stop.

I did do one thing wrong - the spam was hitting my netscape.net address, which shares an inbox and email client with my aim.com address. And AOL has so "helpfully" decided that every time I hit reply, they'll put my aim.com address into the From field. Thus Borders wrote and said they couldn't find that address in their records. I wrote back taking the blame and indicating which address was the subject of my problems.

The next incoming from Borders was completely strange - "You will need to directly contact the merchant regarding this issue." Then it went on about who does or does not endorse any offers, blah blah blah, and of course gave me the useless cs@... email again.

My reply: "I'm not contacting anybody else. Read the whole message and stop copying and pasting responses. YOU set me up with this unwanted Perks crap, YOU can make it stop."

I could go on. The back and forth certainly hasn't stopped. But the emails that started hitting my inbox today are priceless. They state "Thank you for your email regarding Borders Rewards Perks. Unfortunately, your request has reached an email box that does not accept incoming mail. "

Yes, I have reached an unreachable mailbox. Robert Goulet ain't got nothing on me!

I'm still getting the runaround from both Borders and their Perks spammers. But now I know I have to keep trying, when my arms are to weary.

Run from the Border(s)

2009-07-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

One of the items in my inbox this morning was email from Borders, with the catchy subject "Your July Music Picks Are Here".

Hey swell, but I didn't ask for any such emails. And in examining the content, nothing they included would actually be something I'd pick. Not in July or any other month. And to answer the author's included questions "Who isn't a [Harry Potter] fan?" Me. Also, who buys CDs at Borders' inflated prices anyway?

I did indeed give Borders my email address, but that supposedly was so I could get notifications of sales and coupons. Not to get some poorly written "newsletter" that in no way matches my interests. Clicking the unsubscribe link took me to a page that said I'd be completely unsubscribed from all mailings. Not really what I wanted, so I went down the "Contact Us" rabbit hole.

After filling out the form, saying basically, please don't opt me in to newsletters that I don't want, I hit submit and was met with a screen telling me "this function is not currently available, try again later."

Guess I won't be needing this "Borders Rewards" card after all.

Too Technical

2009-06-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

If you're thinking of paying for assembly on that fancy new grill from the Home Depot in Ashland VA, you might want to think again:

Stale complaint about Fresh Market

2009-06-26T06:20:00.001-07:00

Here's the text of a letter I wrote to Fresh Market back in December. I never received any acknowledgement, let alone a meaningful reply:

23 December 2008

Fresh Market
628 Green Valley Road
Suite 500
Greensboro, NC 27408-7041

To Whom It May Concern:

Here is why I won't shop at Fresh Market again:

Monday 12/22/2008, approx 4 PM, Fresh Market, Parham Road, Richmond VA:
I took my number at the meat counter and waited. I wanted a standing rib roast for $7.99/lb, as had been advertised. Although I'd originally thought to get a two-rib portion, as I waited I realized that since I'm only serving Christmas dinner to myself this year, a single rib would be enough. When my turn finally came - after the comedy of errors that is your paper ticket system, I said "I'd like a rib roast, but I only need a single rib." I was brusquely told "that's a steak." Now maybe in the world of butchery, that is the correct terminology, but to me, a steak is something I can throw on the grill, not a giant hunk of meat that's going into the oven. Whatever ... I was spoken to rudely and I wasn't even given a chance to select the "steak" that I wanted. The man just grabbed a piece from the case, went to a scale halfway down the counter to weigh and price it and then came back to hand it to me.

Of course when I looked at the price label, I'd been charged $10.99/lb. Attempting to argue this with the staff at the meat counter would have been a waste of my time, and I certainly did not want to inconvenience the many other customers who’d been waiting their turns, so I chose to go find a manager. That was nearly an exercise in futility, but finally somebody came to talk to me. I explained what I thought was a pricing discrepancy and was immediately told that the everything had been done correctly, and that the additional three dollars covered the "cost of butchering," but that he would reprice my item. I started to say "but if I chose just *two* ribs, it would have had to have been cut from a larger piece . . ." and was interrupted by the manager who told me "I'm not going to argue with you about it." What I get from that is "I can't really defend this pricing" or "your customer feedback is meaningless to me" or "shut up and go away - which, in the end, is what I did.

In retrospect, it seems to me that I probably used up a lot less of your employee’s time than anybody getting a larger roast, so maybe I should have gotten a discount, not been charged a premium. Heck, my "steak" probably isn't even "trimmed away from the bone, then tied back together for ease of carving with great bone-in flavor," so I'm at even more of a loss to understand this $3 charge for "butchering".

My plan had been to get the roast, then shop the rest of the store to pick up all the other items I'd need for my Christmas dinner. It wouldn’t have been the largest sale rung up on your registers yesterday, but it would have been a significant sum for one person. Given the circumstances, however, I chose to pay for the (repriced) meat and leave. Never to return.

The bottom line -- Fresh Market is not in a particularly convenient location for me; you obviously don't compete on price; and while the quality of some of your food may be good, it's not that much better than other places around town that I would willingly put up with such horrible customer service. Oh, and thank you so much for not having a way to email this from your website. Obviously contacting the store was not all that useful, so being able to express my concerns directly to corporate without using up a stamp would have been nice. I guess that customer convenience just isn't in your plans at all.

I don't want anything from you, but I felt this important enough to share, and rest assured that I will a lot of people about this.

Larry Mac

There's a Trader Joe's and a Whole ~~Paycheck~~Foods Market a helluva lot closer to my house, plus Tom Leonard's Farmers Market and all the usual Richmond market grocery suspects, so yeah, not bothering with the Fresh Market at all these days. My Christmas dinner was pretty good though.

What were they thinking?

2009-06-01T05:14:00.001-07:00

I got home from a business trip the other night and I was lying in bed with the laptop, catching up on emails and message boards and such, while playing back an old episode of Eureka on the TiVo. My focus was on the computer screen, not the TV screen, so I wasn't fast-forwarding through commercials like I might normally do.

An ad for some type of medicine came on; as noted, I wasn't paying too much attention to the TV, but I kept hearing the announcer talking about "ass effects". I thought we'd left all that behind with the Olestra fiasco. No, wait, the announcer was actually saying "Aciphex", which is a prescription medicine for acid reflux and heartburn.

But seriously, nobody ever listened to the name being said? Ass Effects sounds like a new product from the makers of the WonderBra, but for a slightly different location.

There's a reason why marketing executives were placed on the Golgafrinchan B Ark.

Firestone: For The Win

2009-05-21T09:32:00.001-07:00

It's not all bad news here in "Your Call" land . . .

I've been taking my 1993 Ford Ranger to the nearby Firestone Service Center for quite a long time. They may not be the cheapest, but I usually feel like I'm getting an honest story out of them, and the location is close enough to walk to, which makes it convenient.

After returning from a recent business trip, I noticed that I was hearing a noise from something tire or wheel-related that portended bad things. So yesterday at lunch I drove the truck up there and left it with them to diagnose. A few hours later, I got the bad news - the right front bearing was shot, and given the age of the truck, it would be prudent to replace both right and left. The dollar figure was daunting, but even an automotive know-nothing like me knows that a bad hub is bad.

I okayed the work and left it with them overnight. For today's lunch break, I walked on up there with a pocket full of discounts and coupons and paid the ransom.

Here's what they did right:
- the guy at the desk pulled up my records without having to ask my name
- he explained the work that was done
- he happily took a percent off coupon, two rebate checks and another discount coupon
- he engaged in actual conversation and even banter

So yeah, I'm not thrilled to have spent a few hundred dollars today, but the outstanding level of customer service I get there makes it not quite so painful.

Kudos to the Innsbrook Firestone.

Verizon FiOS: Follow-up 2

2009-05-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

A surprising call just came in from a guy on the Verizon Executive Support-Potomac Region team. We talked about the billing issues, he looked at my account, he too was puzzled by one of the large credits applied to my bill (but said I could keep it) . . . Ultimately it sounds like everything is finally set up properly, albeit five months on from when I first tried to order this.

I still think the customer-facing systems are messed up beyond redemption, and it shouldn't take multiple phone calls, emails and blog posts, plus Executive Support involvement to get some type of resolution. And of course, the next bill still has to be checked to see if we've really reached the finish line on this.

Stand by.

PopPhoto.com: Website Fail

2009-05-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I received a hand-me-down DSLR - the original Canon Digital Rebel. Just recently, I was reading an old copy (2004) of Popular Photography that mentioned the D-Rebel in an article about Nikon's (then new) D70. This made me think that maybe I could find the Pop Photo review of the D-Rebel and see what they'd had to say.

I first went to popphoto.com using Google Chrome, my current browser of choice. I put "canon digital rebel" in the search box and the list of results gave me one link that was very obviously the page that I wanted. Or so I thought . . . when that page loaded, there was some text that said:

"Download our
Canon EOS Digital Rebel Full Test
-requires Adobe Acrobat Reader

But there's no link at all.

Just to check things out, I copied the URL and tried to access it using IE7. First I got a message at the bottom of my screen telling me that the page "required" an add-on that I currently have disabled. Before I could click on that message though, I was bombarded by cookie warnings (I have IE set to prompt me for anything except session cookies). There were at least ten sites that wanted to drop a cookie on my system. Once I stopped all that, I tried to check with add-on was so desperately required for that page to work. Of course IE doesn't tell me that, it just shows me which ones are disabled and which are enabled. There are a couple disabled items that are related to instant messengers, and two that belong to Real. So are they trying to serve me an ad in some kind of Real media format? I can't figure it out.

But aside from all that, what I came here for was the Digital Rebel PDF. And there's still no link.

I checked the source, no "pdf" string anywhere, no any evidence of anything that would resemble a link near the text offering me a download.

OK, then, I'll be a nice net citizen and report the broken page. But the closest thing to a "contact us" link is all about subscriptions and leads off of popphoto.com completely (with no warning).

Maybe there's something on the home page, says I, so I click on the logo to get me there. Well yeah, there's something. It's an annoying graphic that keeps rotating through three "featured stories" with no way of stopping or pausing it. It's not making me want to click on any of the stories, it's making me want to stab somebody with a fork.

There's more, but I think you get the idea. It's another website set up to maximize ads with seemingly no thought given to usability.

popphoto.com: Website fail.

RBS Card Services: IVR Fail

2009-05-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

... or "How to annoy an IVR programmer," the "IVR Programmer" would be me.

I was checking over one of my credit card statements when I noticed that a restaurant I ate in a couple weeks ago seems to have given themselves an extra bit of gratuity. So I needed to call RBS Card Services to open a dispute case.

I knew I was off to a bad start when it started out with "please listen carefully as our menus have changed." Changed when? From what? I know it's hard to believe, RBS, but I didn't memorize your previous menu layout, and I don't remember the last time I called you. I do remember that it wasn't a very pleasant call, which is one reason I had put this card away and not used it for awhile. But I needed a card to separate some business travel expenses on, so I grabbed this one.

Anyway, AFTER I'd started to listen carefully, I got the dreaded "for English, press 1." Now just suppose that I didn't speak English. That "menus have changed" message sure would have done a lot of good, eh?

Next, I'm asked to select from "account information" or "respond to a call or letter asking [me] to confirm charges." Press 1 or 2, that's it. So I press 1 and have to enter my card number and ZIP code. No biggie. But then they want my CVV, which of course is on the card, and the card has been put away until the next business trip.

OK, I get through that, and immediately, the system tries to get me to "activate" some bogus profit opportunity for RBS. No account information yet. And the marketing message seems to be uninterruptible, since pounding the 0 key isn't getting me anywhere. Finally the IVR gives me my current balance and I start camping on 0 again. I think while I was doing that, they were teling me how many of my questions could be answered at their website. I should check it out, just to see how bad it is. To complete the trifecta of bad message practices, I get the ol' "due to higher than expected call volumes" shinola.

They're not satisfied, though. They're going for bonus points by having an annoying music loop that is interrupted EVERY THIRTY SECONDS by "Please continue to hold. Our service representatives are still assisting other customers. Your call is important to us and will be answered by the next available representative." As the display on my cordless handset shows that I've been on the phone for 25 minutes now, I guess I've heard how that recording over 40 times. (I'm cutting them some slack for the couple minutes it took me to get to the hold queue).

OK, RBS, here's the thing. If my call was important to you, I wouldn't be in queue for 25 minutes. You'd hire people to staff your call centers and/or get a whole lot better and planning so that you wouldn't have "higher than expected" call volumes. Nor would getting through your system to the point where I can get into queue be such a nightmare of worst practices.

Verizon FiOS - Follow-up

2009-05-15T10:47:00.001-07:00

All I have been asking for is an explanation of the charges and credits on my bill. That's apparently impossible, but I did get this latest email -

Thank you for contacting the Verizon eCenter. I have received your
email dated 5/12/09 regarding errors on your bill.

I understand your frustration with this matter.

Your account has been corrected already.

I have reviewed your statements and issued credits totaling $189.06.
These credits will appear on your next statement.

Whoa! One hundred eight nine dollars? And six cents!? I have no idea where that amount came from. In an attempt to be honest, I will see if I can work that out when I get the next bill, because as much as I like free money, I shouldn't be getting that much.

On the other hand, Verizon's impenetrable billing system is what caused all this frustration in the first place, so I have little hope of figuring this all out.

I guess I'll just carve out an hour or two each month to review my bill and then call them.

USAirways email fail

2009-05-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I was on a business trip, and my employer's hapless corporate travel department didn't manage to get my USAirways Dividend Miles number attached to my reservation. No problem, said I, I'll just log in to the website and request the missing miles. That wasn't too difficult, although there are some user interface issues that I could point out.

What prompted this post is the email that popped up in my inbox a few moments later. From: dmsc@usairways.com, Subject: DMSC

DMSC? WTF?

The content of the email wasn't very useful either:

Your question/request has been submitted.

Thank you for your email. Your reference number is xxxxxxxx

We appreciate your business and we will respond to your request as soon
as we can.

** This is an automatic response - please do not reply to this message.
**

I guess I should be grateful there's not a fee for receiving this email. Or a fee to pay the fee.

Verizon FiOS -- Billing From Hell

2009-05-13T07:04:00.001-07:00

Verizon, you have brought me to the brink.

All I wanted, back in December 2008, was the Triple HD EXTREEEEEEEEEME FiOS bundle. I'd had FiOS TV for nearly a year and was tired of paying Cavalier Telephone $25 in taxes and fees on $50 worth of services. I'd gotten a direct mail piece from Verizon saying that the bundle I wanted could be had for $109.99/month, with an additional discount if I signed up via their website. Simple enough, right?

Yeah, no.

First, since I was already a FiOS customer, I couldn't place the order without "signing in". They want to base each and every interaction with them on your Verizon home telephone number, but being a customer of a CLEC, that wasn't possible. I fumbled around and found something that was supposed to let me sign in using the account number from my bill. That didn't work either. I was able to send an email using the site, and did get a response - "Dear Larry Mac - Thank you for contacting the Verizon eCetner. I have received your email dated 12/15/08 regarding the trouble your experienced in trying to place an order for our Triple Play Bundle package. ... If you would like someone to contact you for assistance with your order, please reply to this email with a telephone numnber and the best time to reach you. ..."

That seemed helpful enough. Don't be fooled.

The incoming mail was dated 12/17. I replied on 12/18 with the contact information. I replied a second time on 12/23. I'm still waiting for that call to come in.

I tried using the website again, with my account number. After a lot more time and frustration, a webchat representative told me that I should only be using the "middle 10 digits" of my account number. Oh, hey, that's clear. NOT. I was still unable to place the order, probably because of my non-Verizon phone number, so finally, on December 30, I called. After quite a long time on the phone, including the third-party verification that is necessary to switch phone carriers, I thought the order was placed, and I was even supposed to still get the web discount.

Ha ha, tricked you again! On January 6, I received an email telling me the installation date (January 20), and to check their "What's Next" website. The order summary at that website mentioned "new" FiOS TV service and Internet service, but nothing about phone.

More phone calls. The guy on the phone said the first order hadn't been placed properly and there was no indication of my requesting phone service. This despite the aforementioned third-party verification and the previously undisclosed hard inquiry that hit my credit report. I was told that really the only way to resolve all this was to cancel the pending order and start from scratch. Oh, and since I had Cavalier DSL, they couldn't switch my phone over till that was removed. I really couldn't afford to be without DSL while waiting for Verizon, so the order then became just "add FiOS internet." I'd have two internet services for awhile, but once I knew the FiOS part was working, I could safely call Cavalier and cancel DSL. All of this, of course, meant losing my place in the installation queue, but the guy on the phone assured me once the original order showed as cancelled in the system he'd be able to bump my new installation up and he'd call me back as soon as that was done. Still waiting for that call too.

When the installer showed up to add FiOS internet to my house, the order information was, again, completely wrong - his records showed he would be doing a completely new installation. This meant that the “8 to 12” window stretched out until past 2 PM, making me miss a whole day of work instead of the half day which I had scheduled. I then called in on Tuesday 1/27 to attempt, yet again, to get telephone service to complete my bundle. After maneuvering past the incredibly poorly written phone menus, I was on hold for a good twenty minutes before getting to speak to somebody – who couldn’t help me because he was in a “copper only” office. I was placed on hold again, finally got to speak to somebody who seemed to be helping me, but then she put me on hold “to check something” and I ended up having my call answered in a FiOS HOA liaison office, and of course they had no information on my pending order. That person transferred me again, and when I heard “what telephone number are you calling about?” I just hung up in frustration. (Verizon, please note: You are not the only telephone company in the area. You need to STOP asking that as the opening question.) That was over an hour of my time wasted on their inability to accept a simple order. One might have thought that the representative who lost my call would have called me back at the contact number I’d given her when we began speaking, but of course that didn’t happen.

On 1/28, I cleared an hour from my schedule to make another call. It took exactly forty-five minutes to get through the whole process and I thought it was all good. I specifically asked the representative yesterday if there would be another credit check and was assured that there would not. And then I got an email the next day from Experian stating “The following inquiries are "hard" or voluntary inquiries and were generated because you authorized the companies listed to request a copy of your credit report.” The problem is that I did not, at any time during my numerous calls, EVER authorize a credit check.

The phone installation finally happened on February 12, or two months from my initial attempt to order the bundle. You'd think that would have been the end of the nightmare, but no, of course not.

Since then, I have had to call EVERY month upon receiving my bill. First, there were the unauthorized "activation fee" payments. Also, somebody had taken it upon themselves to give me a "free" month of HBO and Cinemax. Now I'd had this free shit from Verizon before. They start it in the middle of a billing cycle and then try to charge you for a partial month later on. Not falling for that crap again. In addition, even though I thought I finally had my long-awaited Triple bundle, I was receiving separate bills - one for TV and internet, one for phone.

In April, I called to get the second installment of the activation fee removed, and I still had a partial month of HBO/Cinemax to get removed. They'd managed to combine my bills, but in so doing, had to monkey around with the billing cycle, so there was partial month this and partial month that everywhere.

Yesterday, I sat down with my May bill and of course I had to call again. First, the final of the three activation fee installments had to go. Also, since this was the first bill that had everything combined on the same billing cycle, I whipped out my calculator and found they were charging me $119.99 for the bundle. So how long has *this* been going on? Three months, I'll bet. Another phone call. This time I'm informed that I was not, in fact, set up on the Triple bundle at all. WTF? Seriously? So the lady on the phone puts me on hold a bunch of times, gives me a number that supposedly represents the credits I am due, and promises me that my next bill will be correct. She offers me some free movie channels for my trouble. See above. I guess getting a credit for the previous incorrect bills is out of the question.

Today I decided I'm not going to let that sleeping dog lie. I log on to my verizon.net account and try to find my bill. There's apparently no way to see the bundled bill at all. But I could be wrong . . . even though today is May 12, the most recent bill information I can locate is from March 1. Seriously, Verizon?

And the constant nags to sign up for direct and/or paperless billing? Who on earth would trust you with access to his checking account?

Let's cut through all this and lay it on the line, Verizon. Your customer facing systems are broken. Completely and irretrievably broken, and frankly, I don't think they can be fixed. In the meantime, I've sent a request for a full review of my account going back to December, with a complete and clear explanation of all charges and credits.

I'm more than willing to contact the state regulators if necessary.

Hilton - That's Not Hot

2007-07-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

OK, I admit I'm still a bit rattled by the fraud thing (and I'm going to post about the responses of the various companies in a day or two). So when I got a phone call yesterday afternoon that ended up in dead air, it bothered me. The caller ID showed "Hilton, 407-xxx-xxxx". That's an Orlando area code, but beyond that I couldn't tell much. The phone rang again last night, showing the same CID display. This time after I said "hello," there was the familiar pause of an ACD connecting me to an agent, who then exclaimed "Hi, Larry!" as if I was supposed to know her. Ugh. You're not my friend, honey, you're a cold-calling time-share-selling phone rep.

I once again said "hello" in the deadest tone I could muster. She started in on her sales pitch, indicating that since I was a valued member of the Hilton Honors program, blah blah blah. When she paused I said "I am not interested at all, place me on your DO NOT CALL list."

Today, I've logged onto the Hilton webpage and find that there is no place where I can opt out of phone calls. I can opt out of email, no problem. And there is no way to not have a phone number on the profile. I tried to change it to one of my favorites, (888)555-1212, which might or might not get you to toll-free directory assistance (I don't really care). They wouldn't take that, so I poked around the site a bit and found one of their fax numbers. So on the off chance that they decide to call me again, they won't get very far.

I realize that it's my choice whether to belong to this (or any) customer loyalty program. I don't think that means I have to be subject to unwanted sales calls, especially when I'm already listed on the national DO NOT CALL registry. Yes, there is a loophole in the registry allowing calls from companies with whom I have an "existing relationship." I think it's a stretch to go from hotel customer to potential time-share ~~sucker~~ buyer, but I'm sure they don't.

Well, I've emailed them and rather tersely said "don't do that, ever again." I'll post the response if it's of any interest.

More Fun With Fraud Fallout

2007-07-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

"Experience Life At SprintSpeed" says the new slogan. SprintSpeed apparently makes a glacier look like the Roadrunner . . .

I have several recurring bills that I've chosen to pay automatically via the credit card that was compromised over the weekend. Of course now that that card has been cancelled, I have to make sure that each of these places has updated information. One of these bills is for my Sprint mobile phone. Now I am 99 44/100 percent sure that I initially set up the automatic billing via their website, but as I clicked around their twisty maze of web pages, all different, I could not find a place to change the card information. I didn't really want to do so online anyway, being a little gun-shy on the web transaction front at this point. I clicked around some more until I found the list of phone numbers and called them. After punching in my information, I got to a menu asking me to say what I was calling about. "Change credit card" says I. "OK! I can help you with that!" says the overly perky recording. But she doesn't help me, after all, she just transfers my call to a live agent. Well, to a hold queue, where I am informed that my wait will be five to ten minutes. When I am finally connected, the agent proceeds to ask me for the same information I've already entered into the phone system (way to leverage the CTI there, guys!), and when she decides I might be who I say I am, asks me what I want. I tell her I need to change the credit card used for automatic billing. Alas, she can not help me with that. She's going to transfer me to the finance department, but first she gives me the direct number in case I get disconnected. (Lord knows this is actually a good precaution; my first call to Sprint this afternoon actually did result in a disconnect. You'd think a PHONE company could get the whole concept of call transfers figured out, right? But I digress...)

The transfer is actually successful, and I am once again asked to prove that I am me. Once that's out of the way, the agent tells me my current balance and asks how I would like to pay that today. I explain that I am not calling to make a payment, I am calling to update my credit card info. She can't help me - this seems to be a common occurrence at Sprint - so she dumps me off to her supervisor. Again with the verification. She too wants me to pay my bill. Jebus, Sprint, you get my money automatically every month, and it's not the due date yet. Chill on the paying you thing. My voice is getting hoarse from repeating my simple request. And guess what? (all together now) ... She can't help me.

She can send me a form, would that be OK? OK, whatever, just please end this nightmare. She asks for my email address. That would be the email address that they have in their records somewhere. Nonetheless, I just spell it out for her, and she wants me to stay on the line to verify I've gotten the form she's sending. It comes through with no subject line and no text in the body of the email, just an attachment in Microsoft Word format. Good thing I'm at work, so I can actually open it. And when I do, I see that it's a Nextel form. OK, granted Sprint merged with Nextel . . . IN AUGUST OF 2005!!! For crying out loud, they've even dropped "Nextel" from most of their advertising at this point. I'm not going to fill out a Nextel branded form and send it to what is more than likely the wrong address.

Supposedly, she's going to contact somebody and have another form sent to me. It's been over an hour and that hasn't happened.

Yeah, we're moving at SprintSpeed!

x-posted from bent! Blog

More About Fraud and Blockbuster Online

2007-07-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ballbuster Online is more like it. After three or four go-rounds on email (at least two of which were virtually identical), they finally coughed up a toll-free number for me to call. Right before that, though, they actually were stupid enough to send me a separate email requesting that I update my billing information, because they'd been unable to charge the credit card they'd been given. No shit, Sherlock. What a bunch of effing morons.

So I called the number I'd been given (BTW, since they seem to guard it so tightly, I'll freely publish it here: Blockbuster Online Customer Service Toll-Free Number: 866--692-2789). I spoke to Chad, who, despite his charming Texas accent, had clearly been drinking the Kool-Aid; he more-or-less parroted what his email copy/paste buddies had already said.

I'd responded to the request to update my billing information with a rather heated email telling them in no uncertain terms what morons I thought them all to be. The reply to that contained another response, presumably copied and pasted from the Big Book of Blockbuster Online Useless Customer Service Responses, telling me "The credit card companies have given us explicit instructions not to modify customers' accounts in any shape, form or matter without their authorization through our legal department."

WTF-ever, dudes. I've called four other companies about this issue, and emailed a handful more. EVERY one of them immediately cancelled the fraudulently set up accounts.

Since BBO seems to have a ready supply of instantly copyable responses for this issue, one has to wonder just how often they get fraudulently set up accounts. And again, does keeping said accounts on the books as long as possible help the numbers they report to Wall Street and their shareholders?

x-posted from bent! Blog

Blockbuster Supports Fraud?

2007-07-09T15:21:00.000-07:00

Without going into all the gory details, I seem to have been the victim of a (so far) minor bit of identity theft over the weekend.

Somebody signed me up for various services, or even made some purchases billed to one of my credit cards. In some cases, it was rather painless to cancel these transactions - the "confirmation" emails I received included toll-free contact numbers, and calling those numbers got me through to somebody quickly, who then would listen to my tail of woe and resolve the issue.

And then we have Blockbuster Online. No contact number in the email. No contact number on the website. No easy way to contact them at all. So I hit "reply" on the email welcoming me to their service and said "this was set up with stolen information, the credit card has been cancelled, so please cancel this registration."

Their response was priceless -- "Sorry you have to deal with this, but we are not authorized to cancel this account due to this claim of fraudulent activity or identity theft." (italics, mine).

Thus, my recently sent message to Blockbuster Investor Relations:

You know what's interesting? That a large company like Blockbuster will accept a fraudulently generated account for Blockbuster Online, but when the defrauded consumer attempts to get this resolved, he is told "we are not authorized to cancel this account due to this claim of fraudulent activity or identity theft."

I'm sure my local media outlets and the whole rest of the internet will be interested to know that Blockbuster worries more about inflating its "subscriber" numbers than resolving issues with fraud.

I had no problem at all contacting some of the seemingly sketchy companies that also were involved in this incident, and having them quickly and easily cancel the orders and verify that no attempt would be made to charge my credit card. They even published toll-free numbers so that I could contact them.

I'll never be a blockbuster customer, and I will make sure EVERYBODY knows how you all operate.

So there you go. If you're reading this, you are part of "the whole rest of the internet" and/or "EVERYBODY."

Please think twice about patronizing a company that seems to value "the numbers" more than security.

xposted to Bent! Blog

Not quite as promised

2007-06-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

I opened up my freezer the other night to choose a side dish to go with the steak I was about to grill. Right there in front of me was a box of Kroger brand "Rice and Broccoli (with low fat cheese sauce)." Seemed like a decent choice, and it would be pretty easy to prepare.

Look at this tasty looking product, filled to the brim with pretty green broccoli heads and rice, covered in cheesy goodness:

And now look at the sad reality of what as in the package, after cooking:

I went to the Kroger website this morning and filled out a "customer contact form" telling them what a ripoff this product was. I've gotten the "automated acknowledgement" but no actual reply yet.

As an interesting sidenote, the automated email I received had my own email address as the sender. They also had a bit in the body of the email saying

You have received this email notification as a result of submitting a
Customer Comment to Kroger. If you did not submit a Customer Comment, please
contact a Customer Service Representative at 866-221-4141 and report the
following sender's IP Address: 6x.xx.xxx.xxx [my IP obscured]

So they're concerned about security (although sending rogue email comments to Kroger seems pretty low on the list of risky activities), but they have no problem with spoofing an email "from" address? Weird.

So anyway, my personal recommendation is to avoid the Kroger brand frozen vegetables. They're not what they appear to be.

AOL's New Webmail

2007-06-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

I've been being a bit of a gadfly on AOL's "mail blog" and support forums for their new webmail "service." I wonder if they're going to take away my screen name?

I've had a netscape.net email address for years, probably since before Netscape was purchased by AOL. I use that email for most of the commercial websites I deal with, such as airline frequent flyer programs, NetFlix, Papa John's Pizza, etc. I added an aim.com address simply because I had an AIM ID for use in chatting to some friends. I use that address very seldom, primarily for job search related emails. A while back, AOL combined the Netscape and AIM mailboxes, so that everything ends up in the same inbox. This wasn't all that much of a problem, although it's confused me a few times when writing emails since the "from" address defaults to the AIM name. No major problem though. A month or so ago, suddenly they unveiled this new "service". It's some kind of AJAX-y application that is a giant mess of usability miscues.

They show the contacts list in a panel on the right side of the screen. You can't not see this panel, although it can be closed. But closing it creates a tiny vertical strip on the right side of the screen, outside of the scroll bar. So if you slam your pointer to the side of the screen to click and skip down a page, you are just as likely to re-open the contacts list. In addition, the contacts list was fully populated with the return address of every SPAM sender that I'd ever received, including those that AOL itself had automatically filtered into the SPAM folder. As if I'd really need access to those addresses again. Supposedly this last thing has been fixed, but let's revisit that whole fixed thing later.
On startup, they also show a "Today on AIM" screen that covers more than half of the inbox. You can "hide" this window (or "curtain" as they call it), but there is no way to make it not appear at all. One of the developers who posts to the mail blog says it's because it helps to pay for this free service and that "all webmail has something like this." I would imagine that the ten other doubleclick.net ads on the page might also help pay the bills. In any case, I most extensively use gmail for my webmail. I don't see any "curtains" blocking my view. There are no ads at all on the main inbox page. Yes, there are ads when I read individual messages, but they are unobtrusive, they don't block half my screen. I also have a Yahoo email, which I mostly access via that My Yahoo page, but just for kicks, I checked the mail.yahoo.com page. Ads yes, obstructing curtains, no. So I'm at a loss to know what "all webmail" this guy is talking about.
This "service" often automatically updates itself, leaving one with a screen that says "your webmail has just been updated!" Well, whoopee. Why is a web page acting like an application? Why does AOL still want to get its sticky tendrils all over my computer? Isn't it bad enough that the AOL client was like an evergrowing fungus that became impossible to remove? Now a simple web page has to try to take over? I have also seen reports that this automatic update feature will happen even if one is in the midst of composing an email, and when it's done, your partially composed email is gone. Nice!

The initial question I asked on the mail blog was "did anybody do ANY usability testing on this?" It seems like a bunch of developers are sitting around, adding features that are "cool" with absolutely no regard to how this will affect users. I posted several instances of poor usability (including the above items). To his credit, the developer who runs the blog did respond, but then again, he said that I should move my "tech support questions" to the support forum. Of course they're not "tech support questions", but I did anyway. And then I blasted them for having a VERY poor design and not having tested it. Somebody on the blog said "why can't the 'send' button be easier to find?" That's a design and usability issue. The thing about the contacts list adding spammers? That's a design and usability issue.

When I was first blessed with this new application, I tried to find ways to not see the contacts list or today curtain. There was nothing in the configuration settings. I also wanted to be able to sort the contact list. Again, nothing. Now supposedly the sort thing has been added to the config. But How would I know that? Am I supposed to re-check the config screen every single time there's an update? That's a design, documentation and communication problem.

Bottom line, AOL has released a very early BETA product onto their whole user base. It's not labelled as such, but the frequency of updates makes it very clear that this thing was NOT ready for prime time. They've also announced that they will be releasing a "lite" version for "people with older computers or browsers." Way to know your user base there, guys! Again, one of the principle of usability/design is to KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

Maybe I Should Get It At Gimbel's

2007-06-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

As many people know, last year, Macy's rebranded all of the various chains it had subsumed via the May and Federated mergers. It's hard to was nostalgic about the loss of Rich's and Hecht's and Strawbridge's, because frankly those chains were just vestigial remains of the grand old department stores that preceded them.

But that's not really what this post is about. I'd had a Hecht's credit card for some time, one that I barely used, but it occasionally would come in handy, particularly at Christmas time. One would have assumed that this card would have been replaced with a Macy's card after the rebranding. When I used the card for Christmas shopping, I was assured that a new one should be on its way.

Well, now it's June and I happened to see that old Hecht's card as I was doing some housework, so I thought it was time to follow-up on this missing replacement. I went to their website and found my way to the "contact us" page for credit card customer service. They have four options

EMail Us
"We ask you to log-in for your security and to expedite the handling of your questions"
Ummm, WTF? "Log in"? I don't want to "log in" I want to send you an email.
Text Chat
OK, I tried that. Evidently that area of customer service was closed, so I received a pop-up asking me to enter the "skill" and "identifier". Again, WTF? Those are not fields that the customer should be seeing.
Talk Live
At first I couldn't figure out what was different about this in comparison to Text Chat, but then I noticed that it requires a microphone and speakers, so essentially it's a VOIP application. Good enough. I clicked on the link and got a security warning from my browser. The certificate they want me to accept expired in 2002. I hate to repeat myself, but WTF? A five year old security certificate does not give me a warm fuzzy feeling. I guess I should be impressed that the system has not balked at my using Firefox.
Call Us
I have to admit, I did try to call them on this topic once before. It was after I received the bill for my purchases last December. I'd got patched through to India, and while I have no general problem with outsourced call centers, I do require that the person on the phone speak relatively clear English. So I'd hung up. This time I went ahead and called. I got a bunch of recordings, then a bunch of clicks, and then hung up on. Nice. So I tried again, and finally got through to "Basil". He listened only about half the time, ignored some of my questions completely, and generally was not very helpful.

I think I might be getting a new Macy's card though. Which I probably should cut up into tiny pieces and send back to them.

Macy's Credit "Services" - you hereby receive the WORST CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE of the month award.

Please Stay On The Line

2006-11-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

I've decided to separate some of my posts from my other blog into this one, which will be specifically designed to post about customer service experiences, both good and bad, online and off, in person or on the phone.

In the coming days and weeks, I'll be transferring some content from the other place. Please stay on the line and my posts will be posted in the order in which they were received.

Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

2006-04-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

After having sent back at least one of the Consumer Reports invoices clearly marked "CANCEL" as per their instructions, I received two further invoices. One would have been understandable, but obviously they didn't get the message, so I figured I'd deal with it tonight while working on the rest of my bills. I would have just marked up the invoice again, but why should I invest my hard-earned thirty-nine cents on a stamp? Since I knew their website was useless for actually getting anything done, I figured I'd call. Of course the number is not listed anywhere on the invoice, that would make too much sense. So I went back to the website and finally found the number to call.

Dialed the number and immediately got quality of service recording disclaimer, a thank you for calling message* and a preface to the routing menu. But before actually getting the menu, the nice lady tells me "you may also process customer service related inquiries at our website, just go to ...." Did they change something?

Whatever, I'd already called, it was easy enough to press 3 and continue. I told the rep who answered that I'd attempted to cancel, kept getting invoices. She said she'd take care of it. And then proceeded to try to cross-sell me a subscription to some Consumer Reports Newsletter! I'd love to meet the marketing genius who came up with that plan. Dude, I'm calling to cancel my subscription, why would you think it's a good idea to ask me to subscribe to something else?

After hanging up in stunned disbelief, I figured I'd double-check that claim of being able to use the website. I typed in exactly the URL that had been given me and, depsite the horrid interface, somehow managed once again to find the links about the magazine (as opposed to the "CR.org website) and clicked on the link about cancelling a subscription.

We are sorry to lose you as a subscriber. To cancel your subscription, you may call our Subscription Department at 1-800-XXX-XXXX and a representative will gladly assist you.

So just to re-iterate, you can go to the website to find the phone number, then call the number and hear that you can process your request on the website, which tells you to call the phone number, ....

Hey, thanks guys, but The Amazing Race comes on in less than an hour, so I gotta go.

* Why do corporations say "thank you" at the start of a call? Thank you is most commonly used in American English at the end of a transaction.

Follow-Ups

2006-02-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

Hertz

They did the old "just throw money" trick. Except it's not really money, it's vouchers, which of course one can't use without renting from them again. To be completely fair, somebody did finally call me, and after going through the whole boring story again, it just seems all so futile. Nothing is going to change in their Atlanta office. They'll just tappy tap tap their way through annoying some other poor traveller on some other day.

Oh, and it turns out that when you use a discount voucher of any kind, they don't give you frequent flyer points. Not sure where that's spelled out, but I'm sure they don't go out of their way to make it obvious.

Consumer Reports

I'm still floored by the incredibly bad "customer service" from this organization. I never got a response to my first web-submitted questions about the subscription. I did, within the course of four days, receive both the January and February issues of the magazine. As of this past Monday, I still had not received the promised books, so I sat down and fumbled my way through their website and submitted another comment/complaint/whatever. I even specifically requested a response.

The books showed up on Tuesday, so at least they've finally fulfilled their obligation. I sat down last night to go to their website and cancel the subscription; clicked on the link that said "Cancel My Subscription" and what do I get? A message telling me to call some 800 number to cancel.

Dear Consumer Reports -- do you even know WTF a website is for? Jeepers.

I wrote CANCEL all over the invoice today and I'll be putting it in the mail "real soon."

Morons.

Who Can You Trust

2006-01-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

Last month, I received a solicitation from Consumer Reports magazine. I thought it might be a good reference for my re-purposed blog, so I went ahead and sent in the reply card. I'm supposed to get several items for "free," including a 2006 Buyer's Guide, some other book, and a "current monthly issue". Yesterday an issue of the magazine arrived, along with an invoice.

When I sat down to read the magazine last night, I was surprised to see that it was not a current monthly issue at all, but some hokey "best of" collection that they apparently send to new subscribers. Now I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but that's not what they promised, and I didn't receive anything else today.

On the back cover of this pretend issue, they encourage one to go to their website to pay for the new subscription. That's not a bad idea, and since they have a website, I figured I'd try to find a way to ask them if this pretend issue was supposed to be the promised monthly issue. In order to get to the customer service section of their site, I was supposed to enter the account number from my address label. Of course, my label looks nothing like the sample they display, and the numbers I'm supposed to read are printed in what appears to be a four point font. Hey, I freely admit to needing reading glasses, but these numbers are hard to read even once I throw on the spectacles.

Anyway, I guess I used the right number, because I got past that little puzzle. Hoever, I did get redirected to another website completely -- "buysub.com". I'd have expected a message telling me "you are now leaving the Consumer Reports website, etc etc etc." Ironic, because in the pretend issue, there's an article about identity theft; surely unexpected redirects are something to be wary of. I didn't actually notice that the first time through though.

Once I was logged on, I clicked on the link that says "How can I contact Consumer Reports about my magazine subscription (i.e., billing inquiry, etc.)?" only to find that there is no way to email them! Yes, it's 2006 and this supposedly consumer friendly organization wants me to either use postal mail -- which they discourage for subscription payments, saying it will "save time and money and help the environment." Or I can try to call them, of course "[a]t times of heavy call volume, you may experience a delay."

So I figured I'd poke around this website a little more. First of all, I discovered that there is evidently a Consumer Reports website containing product reports and ratings and such, but it is a separate subscription -- and it's a lot more than the cost of the magazine. Then I clicked on the link to learn about their privacy policy. Surely an organization like Consumer's Union would keep my information completely private, right? Nope: "We exchange or rent for one time use our subscriber list with those of selected publications and nonprofit organizations. If you wish for your name to be deleted from these exchanges, send your address label with a request for a deletion to:" Again with the postal mail? I guess saving time and money and helping the environment isn't really that big a concern up there in Yonkers.

A little more poking around, and I did find a way to send them a message using a web form. It's well hidden, and after selecting the subject from a drop-down list, I was still encouraged to use another method of contact.

I'm really surprised, but I'm glad I went ahead and did this little bit of research. I'll save my money by not supporting this particular organization. And hey, maybe that free buying guide will show up and help me save some money on other purchases this year.

Hertz hits me hard with their Gold #1 Club.

2006-01-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

I knew that having a credit voucher to apply to my rental would mean that I couldn't get the full #1 Club Gold experience. And I probably should have known that shenanigans would ensue when the woman that I called at the reservations center told me that there wasn't a "Gold Canopy" at the Atlanta airport. But I wasn't prepared for the really horrible time I had just trying to get into a car and on the road ...

I'd been told that I should go to the counter near the baggage claim to turn in my $50 voucher. This was, of course, wrong. I had to get on the bus and go to the Gold counter, within the Hertz complex. OK, no biggie. So I hopped on the shuttle, took the ride and headed in to the counter. I handed the guy my certificate and waited while he tappy tap tapped on his computer. After a while, he asked if I wanted a full-size, an Impala, for no extra charge. Sure, why not? I figured I'd be driving my friends around a bit over the weekend, so a little extra room would be OK. He tappy tap tapped some more and finally told me that my car was in stall 100. He repeated himself several times. I headed out of the office toward stall 100, and he ran after me, having forgotten to take down a number he needed from my rental agreement and told me once again, stall 100.

So I found stall 100, put my luggage in the trunk, played around a bit with the navigation system (which I figured was just an added bonus) and headed for the exit. The guard there looked at my paperwork, then looked at the car, then looked at the paperwork, then at the car . . . "this isn't the right car. It's supposed to be an Impala." OK, so I'm not really a car guy, and my flight had been delayed, making me anxious to just get on the road, so I didn't even notice that, indeed, I was in some sort of Toyota.

Back to stall 100, and then back into the office. Had to wait in line a bit, but when I got up there, I told the guy what the problem was. He didn't seem to believe me at first, but I assured him that they'd turned me back at the exit. Tappy tap tap tap. "How about a mid-size SUV?" No, how about just giving me the right paperwork for the car I still had my luggage in? Tap tap tappity tap. "How about a Grand Prix?" OK, fine, just get me out of here! He mumbled some other three digit number, beginning with a 6, then said "I'll have somebody bring that around for you." OK, good enough. I had to get my bags anyway. So one more visit to good ol' stall 100, and then to the other side of the office to wait for my car. And wait. And wait. About ten minutes. Finally a guy pulls up, gets out and says "six blah-de-blah?" Ummm, sure. It was a Grand Prix at least. I checked the tag number on my rental agreement with the tag number on the car. It matched. So in with the bags and off I went.

It took me nearly an hour to get this wonderful "#1 Club Gold" treatment.

I turned in the car a couple hours ago, and now I'm sitting in the airport (more flight delays), and I just took a look at my receipt from when I turned in the car. They have so many taxes and fees, it's ridiculous -- my basic rate was just over $25/day, I was here for four days, and even with the voucher applied, my total was $130! WTF?