SWM ISO ...

I got my Gmail address way back when the service first started up.  As such, it's a fairly short name, and didn't require a lot of customization.  As time has passed, I have started getting more and more email that should be going to somebody else, because other people seem to think they own my email.  I've gotten wedding plans, "Mom's" electric bill, contract information of various types, and so on.  I also started getting more and more spam, on an account that initially didn't get any.  With all those various mis-addressed emails coming in, sometimes I'd just ignore them, sometimes I'd reply to the sender stating that they had the wrong person.  There's a woman in Australia who never would believe that I wasn't the person she was trying to reach, and sometimes when I look at my spam folder, I still see jokes that she's forwarded.  A couple weeks ago, I got an email about renting a theater in Vancouver, BC and tried to tell the sender that she had the wrong person.  Her first reply insisted that I had indeed been the one to email her.  I replied again, saying "hey, I was just trying to let you know that you had the wrong person, but if she just wanted to argue, then she should just go ahead and rent the theater to somebody else.  Her reply to that?  "FU".   So yeah, I'm less and less inclined to help people reach the right person.

Anyway ... yesterday I received an email welcoming me to one of the larger online dating services.  It wasn't for me, in case the preceding paragraph didn't make that clear.  That email provided "my" username, password, date of birth and ZIP code.  Good gravy, I'm halfway to stealing somebody's identity and I haven't even used the credentials to log in to the dating site and see what else I can find!

I'm sorely tempted to log in and change field that says "looking for women" to "looking for men".  I am gay after all.  Or perhaps to change the profile text to say "Hey ladies, I'm too stupid to even know my own email address, so you'll probably want to keep looking."

But back to that initial email.  The PASSWORD?  In plain text?  In Two Thousand Freaking Thirteen?  Clearly that means the site in question is not encrypting their records.  Is it time to name and shame them?  Should I actually log in and see what other information is available to me?

"Make" Your Own Time Machine

Serveral years ago, I signed up for the "Premier" subscription to Make Magazine.  This is supposed to provide automatic renewal at a preferred rate.  The first couple of years were rough, but I thought everything was working OK finally.

Until I used my powers of smart-assery to stir up the hornet's nest.

Here are the emails, starting with one from them, then my reply, then alternating...

2/16
Dear Larry Macgregor,

We hope you have been enjoying your subscription to MAKE. We will be sending your next issue to the printer shortly. Per your request, your subscription was automatically renewed for another full year on 3/9/2012.   [....]

2/16
So my subscription "WAS" renewed on a date that falls over three weeks into the future?  Care to explain how that works?

2/21
Hello Larry,

Thank you for your email.

No, your subscription has not been renewed yet.

Would you like me to remove this feature?

2/21
No, I don't want the feature removed, I want emails that make sense.

Such as "Because you are a valuable subscriber using our Premier feature, we'd like to remind you that your subscription WILL BE renewed on March 9.  To manage your subscription options, please go to .  Thank you for being a Premier Maker".

See how that works?  It communicates the information clearly without resorting to telling the customer that something has happened in the future.

This isn't rocket surgery.

[oops, there's that smart-assery again!]

2/12
Hello Larry,

Thank you for your email.

I understand what you are saying.

Will let the appropriate department know.

Is everything else okay with subscription?

Should I add the account back onto automatic renewal?

2/21
Wow, you took it off auto renewal?  The first reply you sent me ASKED if you should do that, and I replied NO.

How was that unclear?

DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT MY SUBSCRIPTION

2/21  (actually received as I was writing this post)
Hello Larry,

Nothing has been changed on your account and everything is in its original standing.

Have a marvelous evening!
-------------------------

I can't wait until I notice that I've strangely stopped receiving the magazine, even though I'll probably still get charged.  Yeah, I shouldn't have replied to the first email, but dammit, it was a stupid message.  If and when I get my time machine, I'm sure as hell not going to waste it on trips into the near future to renew magazine subscriptions.

Eat me

Last night I went to the nearby Kroger to pick up a few groceries, and since I was tired from working in the yard all day, I thought I'd check out their "hot bar" for potential dinner items. It still looks like a bad day in your junior high cafeteria, but I went ahead and grabbed a couple egg rolls, some lo mein and some fried rice. When I got to the end of the counter and placed my stuff on the scale, I got ... nothing. The scale was either turned off or unplugged or otherwise dead. No sign saying "please use the other scale next to the salad bar" or anything. Of course not. Nonetheless I walked over to that other scale, put my plate with the ill-fitting lid on top, entered the secret PLU and hit Print. Chunka chunka chunk. OUT OF LABELS. CALL ATTENDANT.

Um, OK, what attendant? Surely not the two Japanese sushi dudes. I stood there for a bit. Waved my arms around a few times. Watched a few store employees venture nearby but not actually make eye contact.

Left the food sitting there. I hope Kroger enjoyed eating the $6 they would have gotten from me. I found my dinner elsewhere.

All Your Coupons Are Belong To Us

I have a love/hate relationship with coupons. I save the coupon sections from the Sunday newspaper, and clip and use various coupons from there. On the other hand, I think that individual stores that have customer loyalty cards ought to just give me the damn sale price. Yes Walgreens, I'm talking to you. Is it really worth the time it takes for a cashier to reconcile a register with all those slips of paper, and for the store to process them at the end of the day or week?

Now, as a member of Costco, I get coupon books in the mail every month or so, and it does kind of suck to have to tear out the coupons. They made it slightly less annoying though, by programming their cash registers in an interesting way. This morning, I had five coupon items, along with the rest of my order. When the cashier took my coupons, he hit some magic button and the register immediately gave me credit for every coupon-eligible item in my order. OK, it's not perfect, and I still had to tear out a few pieces of paper. And the cashier probably still had to reconcile the register to allow for the coupons. But as a customer, it got me out of the store a bit faster, so good for that.

Guilty until proven innocent? Nah, just guilty all around

SC Johnson is showing a TV ad for their "Off Clip-on" mosquito repellent, in which they tell viewers to go to a website to get a buy one get one free coupon. I was peeved to have to install some mystery coupon printing program to get my coupon, but uninstall and rollback took care of most of that. Still don't know what personal information they encoded into the barcodes though.

Today, I was going to use my coupon at the local K-Mart. But lo and behold, there's a big sign on the door saying they won't honor any "free up to a certain price" coupons, nor any internet or home-printed coupons of any kind.

I stepped up to the "courtesy" desk to ask, just on the off-chance (ha ha, "off" chance) that they'd take my coupon. My greeting was "Didjoo need sumfin?" I asked, got denied, said "guess I won't ever shop here again" and left.

I really resent the concept that all customers are fraudsters, trying to cheat the pathetic Sears Holding Company.

When I got home, I went to the K-Mart website to try to find a contact email or phone number. Not as easy as it should be. But you know what's funny? At the K-Mart website, they offer . . . . coupons. To print at home. From the internet.

Yeah.

So anyway, I spoke to somebody who said that since there was a sign posted, there really was nothing she could do. She refused to say whether this was corporate policy, but the manager will call me within two days, and it's up to him whether they'd honor my coupon. Ooooh, a sign. Anybody can print up a sign. Especially a sign that says that all customers are lying liars and cheating cheaters.

I told her that was unacceptable and as previously mentioned won't be darkening their doors again.

Market Share drop in 5, 4, 3, ....

This post is regional - it's about the Richmond VA area's loss of a grocery store that prided itself on customer service.

If you live (or have lived) in the Richmond VA area, you of course know about Ukrop's Supermarkets. A chain that nearly defined "customer service" for years. Sure, there were things that people didn't like about Ukrop's - closed on Sunday, no beer or wine, that nagging "let's all go to church this weekend" sign in every store. But they knew how to treat customers right.

Most of us were sad when it was announced late last year that the family had decided to sell the chain to Dutch conglomerate Royal Ahold, operators of Giant supermarkets. The sadness was tempered by knowing that at least Ukrop's Kitchen's would continue to produce that tasty chicken salad, those white house rolls, and other yummy items that were worth the price.

The remodelled and restacked stores were to be called Martin's, and I visited one of the first ones to open nearby, nearly a month ago. I had a few problems, and of course went to the website to send a message.

A week went by, then most of another. I'd gotten the dreaded automated email reply, but nothing substantive. I stopped in at another newly opened store the next week and found some of the same issues. I replied to the auto-reply and again, nothing. This past Monday, I went to yet another store and still was not impressed.

I fired off one more email, saying "hey, you know how to lose a customer? Ignore him completely!"

Let's take one single complaint that I had. On each of my three Martin's visits, I took my own re-usable bags. I never got a bag credit like Ukrop's offered, as does Kroger and Target and many other local stores. At least on my third visit earlier this week the cashier tried to give me a credit. Unfortunately, the cash register programming was stupid, I never got a discount and I'll leave it at that.

Today I finally got a response to my three emails to Giant/Martin's/Ahold ... among the other primarily useless information in the reply, I was told that they "never offer a bag credit."

Umm, then what was that poor woman trying to do on Monday? Alternately, I'm led to believe that this big new chain came to town without any plans to offer bag credits, even though it's fairly standard in this market. No matter what, I'm left with an impression of Martin's that is a whole lot less than favorable.

I admit I am holding them to a high standard - they bought that standard when they bought the Ukrop's chain.

Sadly, it looks like they have no interest in even coming close.

When a store makes me look at Food Lion as a viable option, then I think there's a real problem.

Challenged by dates

Dear Lowes,

I want to thank you for the offer of "No Interest if Paid in Full within 12 Months" which I received in today's mail. Today is April 26th, 2010.

Your offer states that it is valid "April 21 through April 26, 2010".

Yes, thank you so very much. Perhaps next time you could arrange for it to arrive the day after it expires just to make it completely useless, rather than almost completely useless.

This is almost as good as the coupon I got that expired on "September 31" last year.