Worst of 2009

I've been thinking about this for about a week. What store/company/website/etc gave me worst customer service this year? Without a doubt, it has to be American Family Fitness.

I'd been a member of this gym for almost 15 years (with a brief interlude when I lived in Georgia in 2004/5). When I joined, the local branch was a storefront in a nearby shopping center. They moved to a larger location a little further away, and then in 2008, opened a facility that was H-U-G-E (and even further away).

From the first time I went into that location, I had trouble with the exercise bikes - they'd go haywire after about 13 minutes, without fail. I tried to bring this to the attention of various people, but nothing was ever done.

When the time came to renew my membership this year, I asked again about the problem, and was given lots of different stories, but still, they have what seems to be faulty equipment that could cause injury and they refuse to do anything about it.

After dealing with the membership salesman, the fitness manager and the location general manager, and not getting anywhere, I chose not to renew.

I also wrote a letter to president of the company detailing the specifics. A letter that was not acknowledged in any way.

You know, a gym has to be the greatest business in the world. You lock people in to contracts and get the monthly payment even if you completely ignore customer comments and complaints.

American Family Fitness of Richmond, VA -- worst customer service of 2009.

No Really, VERY Seriously.

Right-o, so pursuant to this post, I received a couple emails from Ford/SYNC. One of them was from "Tier 2 SYNC Support" and they promised me " we will take the appropriate measures to resolve the privacy breakdown with this situation."

So imagine my surprise when my inbox held the following this morning:

Dear Larry McXXXX:

The mobile phone number XXX-477-XXXX is no longer Active in your SYNC account.

The mobile phone number XXX-477-XXXX has been made Active in another SYNC account, and therefore is no longer the Active mobile phone number for your SYNC account. You will not be able to access Driver Services with this mobile phone number during the time it is Active in another account.

Please log in to your account, and add or select another mobile phone number as Active in your SYNC account. Please make certain that call blocker is turned OFF on this phone in order to access Driver Services.

If you did not request this change to your SYNC account, please contact a SYNC representative today at: http://www.syncmyride.com/Own/Modules/PageTools/ContactUs.aspx
We hope you are enjoying your SYNC.

Ford takes your privacy seriously. Read our complete Privacy Statement at http://www.syncmyride.com/Own/Modules/PageTools/Privacy.aspx.

Now, I have to assume this was related to having the LarryMac usurper fix his account. But once again, Ford decided to send me that guy's mobile phone number. OK sure, they haven't (so far) sent me his SSN and mother's maiden name. But I wouldn't put it past them at this point.

Yep, VERY seriously. They said so. Just ignore what they've actually done. They are taking Mr. McXXXX's privacy very seriously. See, it says so right up there.

Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you?

I am probably 50% at fault here. Maybe more, maybe less, but certainly not 100%. Dozens of times I've been checking out at Kohl's and just told them "no" when they asked for my email address. Earlier this month I guess I had a weak moment and gave it up.

Yeah, I got a $5 coupon, but I also got email after email after email. In fact I got ten emails within ten days.

I thought I'd get occasional emails from them. Not something every freaking day!

So I hit the link to unsubscribe. Seems simple enough, but I'm told it will take 7 to 14 days. Dear Kohl's, Perhaps you have heard of these new-fangled "computers" which can update databases in less than a second? They're amazing!

I'm also told that I can resume getting my inbox bombed by going to "My Account." When did I get an account? I don't want an account. I don't want my email to be in their records anywhere.

So I decide I'll try to email them to vent my frustrations. I hit the "Contact Us" link and the page displays an email address, but it's not an actual email address link, it's a link to another webpage. Like so -- customer.service@kohls.com. Dear Kohl's, When a piece of text display as an email hyperlink, then it should contain a standard "mailto" link. Period.

Anyway, on the webpage I'm sent to, there is a form to fill out with my name, email, and what it is I'd like to contact them about, which I dutifully fill out and hit GO and end up right back at the same page, with my information cleared.

Dear Kohl's, It's really very simple -- annoying customers is NOT a good way to increase business. Your ex-customer, Larry Mac


I just don't understand what marketing departments are thinking. They beg for your email address and then act like a kid in a candy store with a bottomless pocket full of change.

Yeah, you guys, it bugs me. It bugs me enough to not ever want to support your bottom line again.

Oh, and by the way, Kohl's. Get out with the everything on sale crap. I'm sure some people are fooled, but eventually even the most gullible are going to catch on. Just mark the prices reasonably and people will shop at your stores. Not me, of course, I'm done.

Taking it Seriously

Taking it very seriously

Not that I have any regular readers, but if I did, I might refer them to this post for background.

It's happened again. From syncinfo@ford.com to me:

Dear Larry McXXXX,

We're writing to confirm that you have successfully created a SYNC account at http://www.syncmyride.com.

This email goes on to give me Mr Mc's mobile phone number and ZIP code. It also says "If you did not create an account, please contact us immediately" with a link that goes to a quite generic Contact Us page. I filled in their form, saying "hey I'm not that guy" and sent it along. Meanwhile, within three minutes of the first email, another one came in from Sync, this time giving me that guy's "Preferred Ford Dealership." So in case I hadn't looked up the ZIP code in the first message, I really could zero in on the guy's location.

Then another email eight minutes later, this one without so much personal information, but I did notice the line "Ford takes your privacy seriously."

Well, gee, no, Ford, you don't. With a little luck and guesswork, I'm sure I could already have taken over this guy's account if I wanted to. I filled out another form and sent it, and as I was doing so, noticed a link offering contact telephone numbers. I called in and navigated the menus and got somebody on the line who seemed to understand and who said he'd contact Mr. McXXXX and get things straightened out.

But come on, Ford! Taking it seriously means you DO NOT sent out private information to a non-confirmed account. You DO NOT put a link that says "Contact Us Immediately" if you don't have something on the other end of that link that will allow me to contact you, immediately.

I did get a response to one or the other of my form submissions (forty minutes later ....) -- it says "Your SYNC inquiry has been received by the Customer Relationship Center. We will reply to your inquiry within two business days." Two days? So much for "immediately."

But hey, you guys keep on taking it seriously. I'm just going to sit here and laugh.

And a time to every purpose under the heaven

G'day mates.

Oi 'ad a stike dinna las noight at the Outback.

And I'm going to stop typing in a horrid Ozzie accent now.

Anyway, I like The Outback. The decor is very last century, but I usually get decent service and a decent plate of food. I've only eaten there about four times in the past year, but the funny thing is that every time, the side order of "fresh" "seasonal" vegetables that gets served up consists of yellow squash, broccoli, snow peas and carrots. Since my visits there have spanned all the seasons, I can't help but wonder just how "seasonal" these vegetables are. And "fresh"? Yeah, not so much.

It might not be as noticeable if the list of side orders didn't say "potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, fresh seasonal vegetables, potatoes." Don't get me wrong, I happen to like those veggies, and they're cooked nicely - no mush there. But really guys, don't lie to me on the menu. Just call 'em "steamed vegetable medley" and we can all be happy.

Cheers.

Cookie Wars

A few months ago, for better or worse, I started playing "Mafia Wars" on Facebook. I knew better than to "purchase" any points or other in-game items for real cash, I simply played the game and slowly moved up through the rankings.

A few weeks ago, the internets were abuzz with copies of a video showing Mark Pincus, CEO of Zynga (the company the created Mafia Wars). One example is here, where a partial transcript shows Pincus saying "scamming users was part of Zynga’s business model from the start."

Lovely.

Still, I figured I was OK by not downloading any add-ons or paying any real money to anybody.

Yesterday morning I tried to play MW for a bit and got a poorly crafted message telling me "cookies are required". Like many many somewhat savvy web users, I have my browser locked down pretty tightly; specifically disallowing third-party cookies. I wasn't about to change my privacy settings for a game, especially since I had no idea what site I was supposed to allow. And of course there's that whole skeevy feeling that I have about Zynga now. I tried to access the game a few more times during the day, but the message didn't change.

This morning, I tried again. A new message showed up, which gave specific instructions for my browser on how to "allow all cookies."

Um, yeah, no.

So, for the sake of advertising and tracking, Zynga is willing to lose thousands of players. Great business decision there, guys.

Jersey Mike's Follow-up

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about my disappointment with the downsizing of Jersey Mike's subs. As noted in the original post, I also filled out an online "comment card" at the J-Mike's website and for my trouble, got a copy-and-paste response (five days later) thanking me for my comments and saying "Your comments have been forwarded to the owner to address." Of course I've heard nothing since... (cf: this post). I even responded to that 11/11 email last Wednesday (11/25) somewhat sarcastically -- 'I guess when you said my comments were forwarded to the owner to address, you really meant "for the owner to ignore." '

So imagine my surprise this morning when I was checking my emails and saw something from "emailclub@jerseymikes.com" with the subject line "Jersey Mike's Coupon Offer". I know for sure that I didn't opt-in to any emails from them when I filled out that online comment card. Double You Tee Eff, Mate?

Buried in the fine print at the bottom of the email was this paragraph

Dear Larry, this email advertisement was sent to you because you signed up to receive emails from us via our website or in one of our stores, or have contacted us within the last 2 years.

BECAUSE I CONTACTED THEM WITHIN THE LAST TWO YEARS? Really?

As I said to J-Mike's in my email last Wednesday, there's plenty of places to buy a sub sandwich. For me, Jersey Mike's is now off the list forever.

Milk-Bone Underwear

About a month ago, I ordered some underwear from the Jockey website. Hey, I needed some new skivvies and I had an offer for 20% off plus free shipping. The transaction was fairly easy, and the shipment arrived quickly.

I guess I left a box checked somewhere, because the emails started to arrive too. At least seven of them within ten days. Like a puppy with a rawhide chewtoy, Jockey just couldn't leave my email alone, and had to keep working it.

To top things off, the unsubscribe link the their emails was funneled through p0.com, which doesn't have a good reputation, and thus is blocked on all my computers.

Keep your spammy emails, Jockey, you're barking up the wrong tree. I'll just go back to my classic CKs.

Weird Marketing Strikes Again

GE sells light bulbs. Lots of light bulbs I'd imagine. One of their specific lines is the "Reveal" bulb, which, they say, provides "clean, beautiful light™" that "makes colors 'pop'." Probably a nice thing to have, but I have converted to CFLs in most parts of my house. In the living room, the lamps have amber colored mica shades, so I think using a bulb that filters out the yellowish color of a regular incandescent seems like a waste.

I was out shopping at Target with a friend yesterday when he remembered that he needed an light bulb for inside his stove. He went off to the find what he needed while I examined the clearance endcaps. When he came back, he had a 40W GE "Reveal" appliance bulb. Is it really necessary to make sure the roast in your oven has colors that pop? Of course you can also use one of these bulbs in a refrigerator. Does the broccoli look better?

Maybe it's just me, and I'm missing out on the wondrous look of the cold or cooked food.

Ummm, "thanks" CVS?

I have some paint for my living room walls that I bought on clearance at Restoration Hardware. The color is "washed acanthus"; it's a very pale green. Very very very pale green. Like somebody opened a can of white paint and whispered "green".

A few weeks ago, I read that CVS was going to reward customers for not using plastic bags, thus jumping onto the green bandwagon. But based on what I saw in the store the other day, and the fine print from their website*, it looks like they're not really going green, they're going washed acanthus.

Sure, twenty-five cents for not using a plastic bag sounds good, except unlike, say, Kroger, who gives me a straight five cents per bag off my total right then and there, CVS only gives you "extra bucks" credits. And of course you have to collect four bag credits before you actually get a coupon for $1. Which has an expiration date.

Oh, and did I mention that just having the CVS Extracare Card isn't enough? (Kroger and Ukrop's don't require a card.) No, you have to buy a "green bag tag" for 99 cents, so it's going to take four transactions before you even start to break even. Possibly more, I haven't bought a tag so I don't know if they'll charge sales tax.

It gets better. If I take my growing collection of reusable bags to the grocery store and need six of them, I'll get 30 cents right back in my pocket. And if I went back to the same grocery store later that day and needed two of my bags, I'd get another 10 cents. At CVS, you are limited to one twenty five cent credit per person per day.

How many marketeers did it take to come up with the plan? They want to look "green", but they're really no more than washed acanthus.

*To earn Extra Bucks® for a transaction in-store, your ExtraCare® card, Green bag tag, and reusable bag must be presented with purchase at checkout. Limit of one Green bag tag use/scan per day per household. Every fourth purchase your Extra Bucks reward will print at the bottom of your cash register receipt as a $1 coupon good for your next purchase. Extra Bucks can be used until the expiration date shown on the coupon.

No. Just no.

Paste Magazine, what were you thinking?

I've been a subscriber to Paste for many years. There were a few lapses, but it's been at least since the issue numbers were in single digits. I've had my issues (ha ha, "issue", get it?) with their brainless subscription fulfillment service, but those got resolved. I still think they're brainless though. But that's another post.

At some point the magazine decided to send an email newsletter, called "Paste Lifeline", which is mostly not worth the paper it's not printed on, but occasionally I've found an interesting item or two, so I didn't unsubscribe.

I know they've been struggling financially, but somebody was hitting the bottle or bong a little too hard when they decided to send out an ad for "Full Sail University" as a "Paste Lifeline Special".

No actual newsletter content at all, just the ad.

Seriously Paste? Somebody thought this wouldn't piss off your subscribers?

I don't want your spam. Or your magazine or newsletter, now that you mention it.

Like Losing an Old Friend

I've primarily been working from home since April, so I don't go out for lunch very often. Truth be told, even before April I'd taken to brown-bagging it most of the time. When I did decide to splurge on a non-homemade lunch though, Jersey Mike's was always on the short list. They made a really good version of a good ol' Philadelphia-style hoagie.

Even with the working/eating at home, I had a bit of a craving for a Jersey Mike's sandwich, so I headed out at 11:30 AM (to beat the crowd) and ordered up a "Regular 13." Imagine my surprise and disappointment to see the guy behind the counter cut a full-size roll in half and start to build my sandwich on that.

"I asked for a 'regular'" I said.

"That's a regular, you can order a 'giant' if you want more."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Time was when a "regular" was enough to have for lunch and dinner (although I'd usually eat up the whole thing anyway). Now it was just a half a sandwich.

I told them to forget it and walked out.

For a dollar more, I got a full size sub from a small locally-owned place across the street, and they even included the chips.

G'by Mike. It was fun while it lasted ...

update 11/11/2009
Oh yay, a response:

Dear Larry,

Thank you for taking the time to fill out an e-comment card regarding
your visit to our Glen Allen, VA location.

We appreciate you sharing your feedback with us. Your comments are
valuable to the Corporate Office and our franchise community. Your
comments have been forwarded to the owner to address.

We apologize for any inconvenience and thank you for sharing your
experience with us.

Way to actually address the issue raised, there, Mike's.

Political Sidenote

Barack Obama's Facebook presence posted an update requesting support of the health care plan currently in the House.

My response: 'Yeah, I'll be a "fierce advocate" for your plan. Based on your example, I think that means sitting on my hands and not actually doing a damn thing.'

Delta Loves to Fee. And it Shows.

I got an email from Delta Airlines today. They were advertising a "U.S. Flights Holiday Sale" OK, cool, I'd considered flying down to Orlando to visit Mom and Dad for Thanksgiving. I clicked on the link in the email and up popped a browser window showing . . . the main delta.com site. Ummmm, great. But where's the fare sale?

Up also popped a window inviting me to take a survey about my visit to delta.com today. I'm always up for that. I worked my way through various questions about the website and then they hit me with one that said that Delta was considering offering a new service - you don't have to wait at the baggage claim area .. for $40, they'll deliver your baggage to any location within 40 miles of the airport, within 6 hours. Would I pay for this? I can sort of understand that, but no, I've been doing the carry-on only thing for all my travel so I wouldn't pay for it.

The next question though . . . Delta is considering offering insurance: for $8, they'll insure (up to $2000) that they'll actually get your bags to your destination airport. Umm, WHAT? Seriously? They'll charge you to check one bag, charge you more to check two, and then on top of that, they'll charge you to actually GET THEM THERE?

That would be a big Hell to the Naw there, Delta.

A Case of Mistaken Identity

Back when GMail was all shiny and new and invitation only (and hey, speaking of Google invites, hit me with a Wave invite somebody) I was excited to get my own GMail address with my choice of username that corresponded to the net.identity I'd been using for several years.

And then along came another guy who seemed to think that my email address was his, and the spam started. I could hop into my spam folder and tell you an awful lot about a guy named Larry who lives near East St. Louis. And then more people started getting GMail addresses, and some certain subset of them continue to think that they're me. I get marketing emails from a boat company. I get agendas for school board meetings. A couple weeks ago, I got a full description of a wedding ceremony, who would enter when, what music should be played, when vows would be exchanged, etc. I replied to that one saying that it all sounded lovely, but I had no idea who Roy and Yasmin were and why I was getting that email.

Yesterday, I received an email entitled "Verizon Wireless Order Confirmation". It came from the oh-so-helpful address of "donotreply@verizonwireless.com". I use Sprint and haven't had any contact with VZW ever, so I knew it wasn't for me. Within the email was the full name, address, and soon-to-be-live mobile phone number of a gentleman in Arizona. Now this was either the guy in AZ not knowing his own address, or the guy at VZW typing it in wrong. In any event, it's still not something I should be getting. There was nothing in the email giving me any way to contact Verizon Wireless by email or web; however I did locate the name, toll-free number and extension of the salesman for this transaction, so I placed a call. I left a voicemail trying to explain that I wasn't the guy in AZ, and left my number so I could help them resolve this problem.

That was well over 24 hours ago. I've heard nothing.

So fair warning, VZW customers. If you're not very careful, your personal information might get sent to somebody else. Somebody who might not be as honest as me. And apparently, VZW just doesn't give a flying fig.

Confused by Advertising

I got my new issue of Make magazine in the mail today. There's an ad on the inside cover from Ford, advertising the "Sync" feature available on several of their vehicles.

The text says "It's the captain of MP3s. Your words are the DJ." OK, um, what? In what world do captains and DJs go together?

On television, there's an ad for some type of cat litter product that shows several different cats hiring a bloodhound to help them find their litter boxes. Now I don't know about you, but I don't want my cat to not be able to find his own litter box.

And ass effects Aciphex still cracks me up.

Come see the stupider side of Sears

Well, the stupider side of their marketing anyway ....

I bought a new washer and dryer from Sears last year, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Said washer and dryer didn't come into my possession until late February, but that, as they say, is a whole nother story. Since they were offering twelve months of no interest, no payment financing, I went ahead and opened a new Sears Mastercard. I made regular payments and brought that balance down to zero, and I've never used that account for anything else. In fact, I've never set foot in a Sears store since. Most importantly, I haven't bought any clothing from them since my Mom was dressing me in Toughskins.

So it was with great amusement that I opened up the little mailer that arrived in the mail yesterday. A special gift for a special customer it proclaims, then continues on - "Thank you for being one of our best apparel customers at Sears and sears.com." Blah blah etc, and here's two 20% off coupons for clothing only.

Hey, I appreciate the coupons. Not that I'd ever use them, but it's a nice gesture, I guess. But is it really that hard to do a little analysis of your customer list before you send out your promotions? I might have been equally as confused if they'd send me coupons that only were good for Craftsman tools, but at least those would have been useful.

In case a Sears marketing type reads this -- just to clarify, washer/dryer? NOT apparel.

Here's an idea . . .

I was out with a friend the other day and he asked if we could stop at a convenience store for cigarettes. It's his bad habit, not mine, but we stopped. After he got back into my car, he realized he didn't have a lighter, and the one in my car doesn't work, so he went back into the store to buy one. Since he was out of cash, he used his debit card for the $1 purchase, and the woman at the store proceeded to bitch him out, blaming him for single-handedly ruining the country and the economy.

OK, ignoring that fact that yelling at your customers probably doesn't encourage repeat business. . .I understand that the fixed cost plus percentage that the store had to pay on that transaction made it less than profitable. But what if they'd gone to Costco, bought a big box of matchbooks and offered one to each customer that bought a pack of cigarettes? Wow, customer service and no pesky merchant fees for those single lighter sales!

Until the Twelfth of Never

I just picked up a two-pack of insect spray at Lowe's. The specially labelled package told me there was a coupon for $10 of my next $50 purchase, which seemed liked a good deal, plus I would save about a buck by buying the two-fer package as opposed to two single cans.

I got home and removed the plastic wrap and looked at the $10 coupon. It's good until "September 31, 2009".

If a coupon expires on a date that doesn't exist, is it good forever?

Bad IVR is bad

Here's a quick post very closely related to my blog title!

I have a couple of Costco gift cards that I needed to check the balances on. I called the toll-free number on the back, and got a cavalcade of bad design.

They start out with everyone's favorite, "For English press 1." You really have to make that the expected default. Tell me (in Spanish) to oprima el something if necessary, but don't lock me into that language menu at the start.

Then there's this month's nomination for the most useless prompt ever "To obtain your card balance, have your account number ready and press 1." Ummm, this is the number you gave me to call for balance inquiry, and you didn't give me any other options, so what is this "menu" doing here? If there are other things I can do by calling this number, tell me what they are, otherwise this is a giant roadblock that serves no purpose. "If you like being made to jump through hoops, press 1".

Having pressed 1, it's time to enter the card number. "Please enter the 19 [!] digit card number, followed by the pound sign." The only to press the pound sign is to indicate that I'm done entering digits. Perhaps your IVR can not count all the way up to 19?

OK, now I've pressed twenty more keys. They would like to confirm the last four digits of what I entered. I'm not sure why, but I suppose a fellow could get worn out from all that button mashin'. "The last four digits you entered are 1 2 3 4. If this is correct, press the



wait for it





pound key." This is where I'm saying DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF MATE? "If incorrect, press the star key."

Ummmmmm, thousands of confirmation prompts have been written. Almost universally, the choices are 1 and 2. Us VUI designers like 1 and 2 for correct/incorrect. Also for yes/no. Pound and Star (# and *) are special.

The only thing they seem to have gotten right is a menu item that lets me check another card after hearing the balance in the first one.

CWC Gift Card Co. . . . let's talk. I can fix your IVR in about a day.

Man of La Mancha indeed

Further annoyance from Borders, although they want to deny that they have anything to do with it...

A while back, one of the email I received from Borders regarding my "Rewards" card was an offer to sign up for something called "Borders Rewards Perks." Upon review of this program, which is just a way for them to send lots of unwanted commercial email, I chose NOT to sign up for this.

On August 3, I got an email from Perks, the first of several. It was an ad for restaurant.com, tigerdirect.com, shoes.com, etc etc etc. I knew I hadn't suddenly decided that I wanted such crap, but just to make sure, I clicked on the "unsubscribe" link in the email. I got a not so helpful error screen that said "exception in bootstrap". I tried the "Contact Us" link and got the same error. So I clicked reply, and sent an message directly to cs@bordersrewardsperks.com telling them that a) their links were broken and b) that I didn't ever sign up, so stop spamming me.

I got no reply. I did get another spammy email, and this time contacted Borders Customer Care. The reply didn't indicate that I'd actually been opted out from the unwanted Perks membership, but told me to contact cs@bordersrewardsperks.com -- the same email to which I'd previously replied and gotten no answer.

Then on August 12, I got yet another slice o' spam, this time they had the balls to start out "Based on your reminders, we want to let you know about these special
Food & Wine offers currently available at Borders Rewards Perks:" Ummm, I never signed up, never requested ANYthing, so how did I suddenly have "reminders"? I hit reply again, copied Borders Customer Care and said once again that they had to stop.

I did do one thing wrong - the spam was hitting my netscape.net address, which shares an inbox and email client with my aim.com address. And AOL has so "helpfully" decided that every time I hit reply, they'll put my aim.com address into the From field. Thus Borders wrote and said they couldn't find that address in their records. I wrote back taking the blame and indicating which address was the subject of my problems.

The next incoming from Borders was completely strange - "You will need to directly contact the merchant regarding this issue." Then it went on about who does or does not endorse any offers, blah blah blah, and of course gave me the useless cs@... email again.

My reply: "I'm not contacting anybody else. Read the whole message and stop copying and pasting responses. YOU set me up with this unwanted Perks crap, YOU can make it stop."

I could go on. The back and forth certainly hasn't stopped. But the emails that started hitting my inbox today are priceless. They state "Thank you for your email regarding Borders Rewards Perks. Unfortunately, your request has reached an email box that does not accept incoming mail. "

Yes, I have reached an unreachable mailbox. Robert Goulet ain't got nothing on me!

I'm still getting the runaround from both Borders and their Perks spammers. But now I know I have to keep trying, when my arms are to weary.

Run from the Border(s)

One of the items in my inbox this morning was email from Borders, with the catchy subject "Your July Music Picks Are Here".

Hey swell, but I didn't ask for any such emails. And in examining the content, nothing they included would actually be something I'd pick. Not in July or any other month. And to answer the author's included questions "Who isn't a [Harry Potter] fan?" Me. Also, who buys CDs at Borders' inflated prices anyway?

I did indeed give Borders my email address, but that supposedly was so I could get notifications of sales and coupons. Not to get some poorly written "newsletter" that in no way matches my interests. Clicking the unsubscribe link took me to a page that said I'd be completely unsubscribed from all mailings. Not really what I wanted, so I went down the "Contact Us" rabbit hole.

After filling out the form, saying basically, please don't opt me in to newsletters that I don't want, I hit submit and was met with a screen telling me "this function is not currently available, try again later."

Guess I won't be needing this "Borders Rewards" card after all.

Too Technical

If you're thinking of paying for assembly on that fancy new grill from the Home Depot in Ashland VA, you might want to think again:

Stale complaint about Fresh Market

Here's the text of a letter I wrote to Fresh Market back in December. I never received any acknowledgement, let alone a meaningful reply:

23 December 2008

Fresh Market
628 Green Valley Road
Suite 500
Greensboro, NC 27408-7041

To Whom It May Concern:

Here is why I won't shop at Fresh Market again:

Monday 12/22/2008, approx 4 PM, Fresh Market, Parham Road, Richmond VA:
I took my number at the meat counter and waited. I wanted a standing rib roast for $7.99/lb, as had been advertised. Although I'd originally thought to get a two-rib portion, as I waited I realized that since I'm only serving Christmas dinner to myself this year, a single rib would be enough. When my turn finally came - after the comedy of errors that is your paper ticket system, I said "I'd like a rib roast, but I only need a single rib." I was brusquely told "that's a steak." Now maybe in the world of butchery, that is the correct terminology, but to me, a steak is something I can throw on the grill, not a giant hunk of meat that's going into the oven. Whatever ... I was spoken to rudely and I wasn't even given a chance to select the "steak" that I wanted. The man just grabbed a piece from the case, went to a scale halfway down the counter to weigh and price it and then came back to hand it to me.

Of course when I looked at the price label, I'd been charged $10.99/lb. Attempting to argue this with the staff at the meat counter would have been a waste of my time, and I certainly did not want to inconvenience the many other customers who’d been waiting their turns, so I chose to go find a manager. That was nearly an exercise in futility, but finally somebody came to talk to me. I explained what I thought was a pricing discrepancy and was immediately told that the everything had been done correctly, and that the additional three dollars covered the "cost of butchering," but that he would reprice my item. I started to say "but if I chose just *two* ribs, it would have had to have been cut from a larger piece . . ." and was interrupted by the manager who told me "I'm not going to argue with you about it." What I get from that is "I can't really defend this pricing" or "your customer feedback is meaningless to me" or "shut up and go away - which, in the end, is what I did.

In retrospect, it seems to me that I probably used up a lot less of your employee’s time than anybody getting a larger roast, so maybe I should have gotten a discount, not been charged a premium. Heck, my "steak" probably isn't even "trimmed away from the bone, then tied back together for ease of carving with great bone-in flavor," so I'm at even more of a loss to understand this $3 charge for "butchering".

My plan had been to get the roast, then shop the rest of the store to pick up all the other items I'd need for my Christmas dinner. It wouldn’t have been the largest sale rung up on your registers yesterday, but it would have been a significant sum for one person. Given the circumstances, however, I chose to pay for the (repriced) meat and leave. Never to return.

The bottom line -- Fresh Market is not in a particularly convenient location for me; you obviously don't compete on price; and while the quality of some of your food may be good, it's not that much better than other places around town that I would willingly put up with such horrible customer service. Oh, and thank you so much for not having a way to email this from your website. Obviously contacting the store was not all that useful, so being able to express my concerns directly to corporate without using up a stamp would have been nice. I guess that customer convenience just isn't in your plans at all.

I don't want anything from you, but I felt this important enough to share, and rest assured that I will a lot of people about this.


Larry Mac

There's a Trader Joe's and a Whole PaycheckFoods Market a helluva lot closer to my house, plus Tom Leonard's Farmers Market and all the usual Richmond market grocery suspects, so yeah, not bothering with the Fresh Market at all these days. My Christmas dinner was pretty good though.

What were they thinking?

I got home from a business trip the other night and I was lying in bed with the laptop, catching up on emails and message boards and such, while playing back an old episode of Eureka on the TiVo. My focus was on the computer screen, not the TV screen, so I wasn't fast-forwarding through commercials like I might normally do.

An ad for some type of medicine came on; as noted, I wasn't paying too much attention to the TV, but I kept hearing the announcer talking about "ass effects". I thought we'd left all that behind with the Olestra fiasco. No, wait, the announcer was actually saying "Aciphex", which is a prescription medicine for acid reflux and heartburn.

But seriously, nobody ever listened to the name being said? Ass Effects sounds like a new product from the makers of the WonderBra, but for a slightly different location.

There's a reason why marketing executives were placed on the Golgafrinchan B Ark.

Firestone: For The Win

It's not all bad news here in "Your Call" land . . .

I've been taking my 1993 Ford Ranger to the nearby Firestone Service Center for quite a long time. They may not be the cheapest, but I usually feel like I'm getting an honest story out of them, and the location is close enough to walk to, which makes it convenient.

After returning from a recent business trip, I noticed that I was hearing a noise from something tire or wheel-related that portended bad things. So yesterday at lunch I drove the truck up there and left it with them to diagnose. A few hours later, I got the bad news - the right front bearing was shot, and given the age of the truck, it would be prudent to replace both right and left. The dollar figure was daunting, but even an automotive know-nothing like me knows that a bad hub is bad.

I okayed the work and left it with them overnight. For today's lunch break, I walked on up there with a pocket full of discounts and coupons and paid the ransom.

Here's what they did right:
- the guy at the desk pulled up my records without having to ask my name
- he explained the work that was done
- he happily took a percent off coupon, two rebate checks and another discount coupon
- he engaged in actual conversation and even banter

So yeah, I'm not thrilled to have spent a few hundred dollars today, but the outstanding level of customer service I get there makes it not quite so painful.

Kudos to the Innsbrook Firestone.

Verizon FiOS: Follow-up 2

A surprising call just came in from a guy on the Verizon Executive Support-Potomac Region team. We talked about the billing issues, he looked at my account, he too was puzzled by one of the large credits applied to my bill (but said I could keep it) . . . Ultimately it sounds like everything is finally set up properly, albeit five months on from when I first tried to order this.

I still think the customer-facing systems are messed up beyond redemption, and it shouldn't take multiple phone calls, emails and blog posts, plus Executive Support involvement to get some type of resolution. And of course, the next bill still has to be checked to see if we've really reached the finish line on this.

Stand by.

PopPhoto.com: Website Fail

A few months ago, I received a hand-me-down DSLR - the original Canon Digital Rebel. Just recently, I was reading an old copy (2004) of Popular Photography that mentioned the D-Rebel in an article about Nikon's (then new) D70. This made me think that maybe I could find the Pop Photo review of the D-Rebel and see what they'd had to say.

I first went to popphoto.com using Google Chrome, my current browser of choice. I put "canon digital rebel" in the search box and the list of results gave me one link that was very obviously the page that I wanted. Or so I thought . . . when that page loaded, there was some text that said:

"Download our
Canon EOS Digital Rebel Full Test
-requires Adobe Acrobat Reader

But there's no link at all.

Just to check things out, I copied the URL and tried to access it using IE7. First I got a message at the bottom of my screen telling me that the page "required" an add-on that I currently have disabled. Before I could click on that message though, I was bombarded by cookie warnings (I have IE set to prompt me for anything except session cookies). There were at least ten sites that wanted to drop a cookie on my system. Once I stopped all that, I tried to check with add-on was so desperately required for that page to work. Of course IE doesn't tell me that, it just shows me which ones are disabled and which are enabled. There are a couple disabled items that are related to instant messengers, and two that belong to Real. So are they trying to serve me an ad in some kind of Real media format? I can't figure it out.

But aside from all that, what I came here for was the Digital Rebel PDF. And there's still no link.

I checked the source, no "pdf" string anywhere, no any evidence of anything that would resemble a link near the text offering me a download.

OK, then, I'll be a nice net citizen and report the broken page. But the closest thing to a "contact us" link is all about subscriptions and leads off of popphoto.com completely (with no warning).

Maybe there's something on the home page, says I, so I click on the logo to get me there. Well yeah, there's something. It's an annoying graphic that keeps rotating through three "featured stories" with no way of stopping or pausing it. It's not making me want to click on any of the stories, it's making me want to stab somebody with a fork.

There's more, but I think you get the idea. It's another website set up to maximize ads with seemingly no thought given to usability.

popphoto.com: Website fail.

RBS Card Services: IVR Fail

... or "How to annoy an IVR programmer," the "IVR Programmer" would be me.

I was checking over one of my credit card statements when I noticed that a restaurant I ate in a couple weeks ago seems to have given themselves an extra bit of gratuity. So I needed to call RBS Card Services to open a dispute case.

I knew I was off to a bad start when it started out with "please listen carefully as our menus have changed." Changed when? From what? I know it's hard to believe, RBS, but I didn't memorize your previous menu layout, and I don't remember the last time I called you. I do remember that it wasn't a very pleasant call, which is one reason I had put this card away and not used it for awhile. But I needed a card to separate some business travel expenses on, so I grabbed this one.

Anyway, AFTER I'd started to listen carefully, I got the dreaded "for English, press 1." Now just suppose that I didn't speak English. That "menus have changed" message sure would have done a lot of good, eh?

Next, I'm asked to select from "account information" or "respond to a call or letter asking [me] to confirm charges." Press 1 or 2, that's it. So I press 1 and have to enter my card number and ZIP code. No biggie. But then they want my CVV, which of course is on the card, and the card has been put away until the next business trip.

OK, I get through that, and immediately, the system tries to get me to "activate" some bogus profit opportunity for RBS. No account information yet. And the marketing message seems to be uninterruptible, since pounding the 0 key isn't getting me anywhere. Finally the IVR gives me my current balance and I start camping on 0 again. I think while I was doing that, they were teling me how many of my questions could be answered at their website. I should check it out, just to see how bad it is. To complete the trifecta of bad message practices, I get the ol' "due to higher than expected call volumes" shinola.

They're not satisfied, though. They're going for bonus points by having an annoying music loop that is interrupted EVERY THIRTY SECONDS by "Please continue to hold. Our service representatives are still assisting other customers. Your call is important to us and will be answered by the next available representative." As the display on my cordless handset shows that I've been on the phone for 25 minutes now, I guess I've heard how that recording over 40 times. (I'm cutting them some slack for the couple minutes it took me to get to the hold queue).

OK, RBS, here's the thing. If my call was important to you, I wouldn't be in queue for 25 minutes. You'd hire people to staff your call centers and/or get a whole lot better and planning so that you wouldn't have "higher than expected" call volumes. Nor would getting through your system to the point where I can get into queue be such a nightmare of worst practices.

Verizon FiOS - Follow-up

All I have been asking for is an explanation of the charges and credits on my bill. That's apparently impossible, but I did get this latest email -

Thank you for contacting the Verizon eCenter. I have received your
email dated 5/12/09 regarding errors on your bill.

I understand your frustration with this matter.

Your account has been corrected already.

I have reviewed your statements and issued credits totaling $189.06.
These credits will appear on your next statement.

Whoa! One hundred eight nine dollars? And six cents!? I have no idea where that amount came from. In an attempt to be honest, I will see if I can work that out when I get the next bill, because as much as I like free money, I shouldn't be getting that much.

On the other hand, Verizon's impenetrable billing system is what caused all this frustration in the first place, so I have little hope of figuring this all out.

I guess I'll just carve out an hour or two each month to review my bill and then call them.

USAirways email fail

Last week I was on a business trip, and my employer's hapless corporate travel department didn't manage to get my USAirways Dividend Miles number attached to my reservation. No problem, said I, I'll just log in to the website and request the missing miles. That wasn't too difficult, although there are some user interface issues that I could point out.

What prompted this post is the email that popped up in my inbox a few moments later. From: dmsc@usairways.com, Subject: DMSC

DMSC? WTF?

The content of the email wasn't very useful either:

Your question/request has been submitted.

Thank you for your email. Your reference number is xxxxxxxx

We appreciate your business and we will respond to your request as soon
as we can.

** This is an automatic response - please do not reply to this message.
**

I guess I should be grateful there's not a fee for receiving this email. Or a fee to pay the fee.

Verizon FiOS -- Billing From Hell

Verizon, you have brought me to the brink.

All I wanted, back in December 2008, was the Triple HD EXTREEEEEEEEEME FiOS bundle. I'd had FiOS TV for nearly a year and was tired of paying Cavalier Telephone $25 in taxes and fees on $50 worth of services. I'd gotten a direct mail piece from Verizon saying that the bundle I wanted could be had for $109.99/month, with an additional discount if I signed up via their website. Simple enough, right?

Yeah, no.

First, since I was already a FiOS customer, I couldn't place the order without "signing in". They want to base each and every interaction with them on your Verizon home telephone number, but being a customer of a CLEC, that wasn't possible. I fumbled around and found something that was supposed to let me sign in using the account number from my bill. That didn't work either. I was able to send an email using the site, and did get a response - "Dear Larry Mac - Thank you for contacting the Verizon eCetner. I have received your email dated 12/15/08 regarding the trouble your experienced in trying to place an order for our Triple Play Bundle package. ... If you would like someone to contact you for assistance with your order, please reply to this email with a telephone numnber and the best time to reach you. ..."

That seemed helpful enough. Don't be fooled.

The incoming mail was dated 12/17. I replied on 12/18 with the contact information. I replied a second time on 12/23. I'm still waiting for that call to come in.

I tried using the website again, with my account number. After a lot more time and frustration, a webchat representative told me that I should only be using the "middle 10 digits" of my account number. Oh, hey, that's clear. NOT. I was still unable to place the order, probably because of my non-Verizon phone number, so finally, on December 30, I called. After quite a long time on the phone, including the third-party verification that is necessary to switch phone carriers, I thought the order was placed, and I was even supposed to still get the web discount.

Ha ha, tricked you again! On January 6, I received an email telling me the installation date (January 20), and to check their "What's Next" website. The order summary at that website mentioned "new" FiOS TV service and Internet service, but nothing about phone.

More phone calls. The guy on the phone said the first order hadn't been placed properly and there was no indication of my requesting phone service. This despite the aforementioned third-party verification and the previously undisclosed hard inquiry that hit my credit report. I was told that really the only way to resolve all this was to cancel the pending order and start from scratch. Oh, and since I had Cavalier DSL, they couldn't switch my phone over till that was removed. I really couldn't afford to be without DSL while waiting for Verizon, so the order then became just "add FiOS internet." I'd have two internet services for awhile, but once I knew the FiOS part was working, I could safely call Cavalier and cancel DSL. All of this, of course, meant losing my place in the installation queue, but the guy on the phone assured me once the original order showed as cancelled in the system he'd be able to bump my new installation up and he'd call me back as soon as that was done. Still waiting for that call too.

When the installer showed up to add FiOS internet to my house, the order information was, again, completely wrong - his records showed he would be doing a completely new installation. This meant that the “8 to 12” window stretched out until past 2 PM, making me miss a whole day of work instead of the half day which I had scheduled. I then called in on Tuesday 1/27 to attempt, yet again, to get telephone service to complete my bundle. After maneuvering past the incredibly poorly written phone menus, I was on hold for a good twenty minutes before getting to speak to somebody – who couldn’t help me because he was in a “copper only” office. I was placed on hold again, finally got to speak to somebody who seemed to be helping me, but then she put me on hold “to check something” and I ended up having my call answered in a FiOS HOA liaison office, and of course they had no information on my pending order. That person transferred me again, and when I heard “what telephone number are you calling about?” I just hung up in frustration. (Verizon, please note: You are not the only telephone company in the area. You need to STOP asking that as the opening question.) That was over an hour of my time wasted on their inability to accept a simple order. One might have thought that the representative who lost my call would have called me back at the contact number I’d given her when we began speaking, but of course that didn’t happen.

On 1/28, I cleared an hour from my schedule to make another call. It took exactly forty-five minutes to get through the whole process and I thought it was all good. I specifically asked the representative yesterday if there would be another credit check and was assured that there would not. And then I got an email the next day from Experian stating “The following inquiries are "hard" or voluntary inquiries and were generated because you authorized the companies listed to request a copy of your credit report.” The problem is that I did not, at any time during my numerous calls, EVER authorize a credit check.

The phone installation finally happened on February 12, or two months from my initial attempt to order the bundle. You'd think that would have been the end of the nightmare, but no, of course not.

Since then, I have had to call EVERY month upon receiving my bill. First, there were the unauthorized "activation fee" payments. Also, somebody had taken it upon themselves to give me a "free" month of HBO and Cinemax. Now I'd had this free shit from Verizon before. They start it in the middle of a billing cycle and then try to charge you for a partial month later on. Not falling for that crap again. In addition, even though I thought I finally had my long-awaited Triple bundle, I was receiving separate bills - one for TV and internet, one for phone.

In April, I called to get the second installment of the activation fee removed, and I still had a partial month of HBO/Cinemax to get removed. They'd managed to combine my bills, but in so doing, had to monkey around with the billing cycle, so there was partial month this and partial month that everywhere.

Yesterday, I sat down with my May bill and of course I had to call again. First, the final of the three activation fee installments had to go. Also, since this was the first bill that had everything combined on the same billing cycle, I whipped out my calculator and found they were charging me $119.99 for the bundle. So how long has *this* been going on? Three months, I'll bet. Another phone call. This time I'm informed that I was not, in fact, set up on the Triple bundle at all. WTF? Seriously? So the lady on the phone puts me on hold a bunch of times, gives me a number that supposedly represents the credits I am due, and promises me that my next bill will be correct. She offers me some free movie channels for my trouble. See above. I guess getting a credit for the previous incorrect bills is out of the question.

Today I decided I'm not going to let that sleeping dog lie. I log on to my verizon.net account and try to find my bill. There's apparently no way to see the bundled bill at all. But I could be wrong . . . even though today is May 12, the most recent bill information I can locate is from March 1. Seriously, Verizon?

And the constant nags to sign up for direct and/or paperless billing? Who on earth would trust you with access to his checking account?

Let's cut through all this and lay it on the line, Verizon. Your customer facing systems are broken. Completely and irretrievably broken, and frankly, I don't think they can be fixed. In the meantime, I've sent a request for a full review of my account going back to December, with a complete and clear explanation of all charges and credits.

I'm more than willing to contact the state regulators if necessary.